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Monday, September 30, 2002

Hey Kennth, my Sydney photos are @ http://sg.photos.yahoo.com/jingchiam

I'm gonna meet up with Laura this afternoon. Will try to post those pictures later tonight. Will tell you more about the Sydney trip another time. Blogger doesn't seem to work well with the computer I'm using in Syndey; always eats up my blogs. Infuriating.

Sunday, September 29, 2002

The school has an evil firewall too?

Hmm.

Subversive stuff is fun:

Ooo - subversive article written by Devan Nair.

http://www.singapore-window.org/sw99/90321dn.htm

"I told all this to Kuan Yew. Nothing I said sank in. He fretted about a potential critical percentage drop in PAP votes across all the constituencies that could eventually bring the PAP government down, and he wouldn't stand for it. Only later did I realise that this was the moment that started his formidable brain box ticking away furiously at the fecund gerrymandering schemes he was to introduce later to ensure that all opposition parties would be put in a Gordion bind that would make it impossible for them to ever achieve control of parliament, unless an Alexander came along. Such a possibility appears impossible now, unless it takes the awesome shape of shattering geo-political circumstances already building up around Singapore.

Immediately, however, Kuan Yew's attention was concentrated on how he would deal with J.B Jeyaretnam in parliament. I was quite alarmed at some of the things he told me at that lunch. "Look," he said, "Jeyaretnam cant win the infighting. I'll tell you why. WE are in charge. Every government ministry and department is under our control. And in the infighting, he will go down for the count every time." And I will never forget his last words. "I will make him crawl on his bended knees, and beg for mercy.""

oh don't... ever since I couldn't post my long typed out reply in the school computer I always kept a backup of it somewhere... Usually before I post I'll just copy all the text to the clipboard... for pasting somewhere else in case the net swallows it up.

pickle. i envy you. 3 days ago, i had a relatively long post typed out, and then something went and my computer refused to post.
oh well. pink and yellow yogurt. looks odd, but it tastes alright. neither like strawberry, nor banana, but with both natural and artificial flavors you never know what you're really getting. i'm a pink elephant. that's got to be a cliche, but i've been one for a while so please ignore it. a closet pink elephant, too, and i'll give you the full story when (if ever) my creative writing binder turns up. it's probably been incinerated already, more's the pity. that's what happens when you don't make copies of your work and give it to a teacher (who's going back to university for further studies) to mark on the last day of school before the summer. sad story. had good stuff in there too.
reading books in dreams is so entertaining. because when you wake up, you don't really remmebr what they were about. you remember phrases, and words, but when you try putting them together, they make no sense, while in the dream they seemed perfectly logical and sensible.
pickle pickle duck duck duck duck duck duck goose. hungryy..

How bout male models?

I'd post longer but my firewall's evil

Saturday, September 28, 2002

I amaze myself every time I post. Meant that last post to be short diversion.

haha... I'm a pink kangaroo eating yoghurt. I don't even like pink. hmmph.

well... I've been doing some research into photography... read all the accounts of professional photographers accosted, mauled, beaten up because they were taking photographs... kinda just gets you labelled pervert. And yet, so many people look at photographs in the magazines and newspapers EVERY DAY. kinda ironic that.

Sorry I couldn't be the one to undie(revive?) this blog... been really mugging. and resting, and sleeping alot.

Just spent today in bed dreaming and reading an imaginary book that didn't make sense with my eyes open, with the words falling into smooth rhythm that really made me feel at peace. I read about 8 paragraphs before realizing that the book didn't really have pages(I wasn't flipping the pages) and that the text just kinda scrolled down the page. Haha dreams...

Saw this really pretty girl in a cheongsam kind of top... I'm really attracted to these things... moreso than a black tube with a white jacket.. which i also saw. I suppose I'm really in for the oriental type of lil' girl who loves embroidery... I love embroidery too... just not on me. Its just so delicate and so full of character. Of course, its probably also because the cheongsam top accentuates the figure of a person...

Been to the library at esplanade, nice place, got my premium membership... gonna listen to music there in my school hols, create pictures... write poetry perhaps... and argumentative essays... I've been in a kind of whimsical mood... kinda not here nor there.... floating... like I really don't care about what's happening... I'm ignoring people one moment(without reason) and suddenly waving at people that I hardly know well, and shouting HI!!! across the room. Kinda reminds me of some bimbo episode my (female!)friend went through last year. I'm also using alot of brackets... funny that.

Got scolded yesterday by this really sweet person that helped me edit my SRP report(its a bear... or at least downward looking) for having weird sentence structures, disjointed discussions, not following report requirements, and she went through my essay and highlighted all the weird bits. still.. that was nice of her.... I'll never have the patience.. though I remember once I rewrote my friend's poem the way I'd have written it. That was probably overdone.

Saw my (male!) friend at macs on thursday... was studying with this other friend... and they were working pretty hard... one of them looked kinda blur and slow.. and he's from a diff JC... which starts the promos this week~! Wish him good luck... he looks like he'll need it.

There are two mice on my table(there... a change of sentence structure, though undoubtedly not a complex one), one optical and another opto-mechanical(the one with balls)... quite nice. I can reach for either one, all of the time... but I'm more partial to the red logitech one cos its lighter and smaller, and more sensitive to boot. I have dreams of this wonderful two monitor computer, fast speed, with two mice and both controlling different cursors on the two screens. And I'd drag windows from one screen to the other... say when I'm composing a message, I could look at the original message I received without alt-tabbing very much(try it if you don't know what it does). Also want a room that's designed like the esplanade's concert hall, where all 1,600 people can(supposedly!) hear a single voice sing. Gabriel! interested in getting choir to book the place for a performance?

Was looking at the works of this really wonderful dance photographer. She has this wonderful gift of stopping motion. I always see dance as a series of movements... but she takes photos of them arranged in such exquisite positions, with such clear language and expression that time seems to have stood still. One of the pics i remember very vividly was of this composition of four people, in mid leap, each forming an individual circle. She says that she hardly looks in the viewfinder, because once she sees the image of what she wants to take in the viewfinder, its already lost.

Oh I'm looking for models too... anyone here interested?

go to the bottom of the page.
the only thing i found out was that i had too much "finals stress" and turned into a polka-dotted orange piglet blah blah.

Friday, September 27, 2002

Breaking News:

The Purple Conspiracy Spreads. RGS Pinafores are now purple!

The full story on Balderdash

(Okay so this isn't news to half the population here. But, hey, I got a scan from the 1986 RGS Yearbook.]

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Ah, questionnaires. The fad that came before the profusion of Evil Online Tests.

Here's the only one I'd ever post:










My Favorite Male Part Is:


The Pecs: Strength, power, and form.


Hey! His boobs are bigger then mine!




Find out your favorite female or male body part!





The epidemic of sore eyes continues unabated. Probably because everyone's too kiasu not to go to school.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------

* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: no

* Missed school B/coz it was raining: no

* Put a body part on fire for amusement: hair, but it wasn't on me anymore

* Got hurt emotionally: yes. but i get over very fast. or at least, it was long ago.

* Kept a secret from everyone: yes

* Had an imaginary friend: no. my reflection suffices. its really ridiculous how long i can spend in the toilet talking to myself...

* Cried during a movie: no

* Had a crush on a teacher: no

* Ever thought an animated character was hot?: no

* Been on stage: YEAH!!!

* Cut your hair: yes. DUH.

------------------FAVOURITES------------------

* Shampoo: whatever.

* Soap: handmade scented ones, like lemongrass and fruit. church gets 'em from cambodia.

* Color: blueorangeyellow

* Day/Night: night.can't work in the day.cant sleep either. not forgetting tv.

* Summer/Winter: winter. sick of summer.

* Fave cartoon Characters: pooh, snoopy

* Fave Food: roti prata, hor fun, bbq chips. mint choc.

* Fave Advert: y'know, i replied to this just for this qn. ;) i like the lee hwa ad, the nz ad, the hugo boss one where the guys run around half naked. nothing to do with the guys, though. panasonic ad song was nice (seranade), so is the nz ad one (crowded house don't dream its over) and the dbs one and the lee hwa one and the bk one (whatsit called?) where they hike up a mountain. i also like the adidas climacool ad, its quite. uh. cool. and the skippy (was it skippy?) one, where the little boy kicks the ball into the goal from like 2 metres, then he does all the jumpingaround takingoffshirt type of thing. so cute! one time i saw this ad on some scv channel-- asics or sth, can't remember. this father was running along (asics shoes i guess)... incorporated longd, sprints, even hurdles! i was impressed. nice scenery too. then he reached a school right when the bell rang, and his daughter ran out. sweet!! then my all time favourite, which i've also seen only once...but it was really well timed. after my nats 100 hurdles race, when i tripped and lost a medal, i was feeling kinda depressed at home.. watching tv to try and cheer myself up. so this standard chartered ad came on-- this girl was running a longd race (as far as i can remember), then she got elbowed and fell. then another shot of her training, and her coach (i guess) was holding the stopwatch, telling her the time, and she looked really surprised and happy. apparently something to do with partnership. the i believe i can fly series, y'know? yeah. i've watch 2-3 hours of tv straight just to see that ad again, but i didn't see it again. i saw another one, on music, but not the running one. then on channel 5, some time later, i saw the front of it, then the channels switched (slow reaction time, you see). so i switched back asap (which of course wasnt that fast, with -my- tv, and saw standard chartered on the screen. dot. then i watched a whole lot of crappy shows on channel5, but i still didnt see that ad. ahwell. just as well-- its a very special ad to me, still. standard chartered would have a new customer if only i could get myself a new account.amazing how i can rave about these things, eh...

* Fave Movie: schindler's list.

* Fave Ice Cream: chocolatechocolatechip, haagen dazs dasz (huh?)

* Fave Subject: english. i'm best at it. :) but in terms of interest, lit.

* Fave 'normal' Drink: lime? dunno.

* Fave Persons to talk to online: depends on what they are talking about, really. but some are consistently more interesting than others.theres one y'all wouldn't know (kel would) and one you might. hahaa...

----------------RIGHT NOW------------------

* Wearing: sch u. i'm in class!

* Hair is: school-normal.

* I'm feeling: a bit dead. perhaps i should eat.

* Drinking: nothing.

* Eating: (ssh) nothing. but seriously, andi just left the class.

* Listening to: fan creaking, chairs squeaking. they moving something?

* Talkin 2: claire just popped in and said hi. so so did i. "wheres choon hwee sit?"

---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------

* Cried: no.

* Met someone new: no.

* Cleaned your room: no.

* Done laundry: no.

* Drove a car: no. boring life, eh?

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------

* Yourself: sometimes, somethings.

* Your friends: yes.

* Santa Claus: no.

* Tooth Fairy: no.

* Destiny/Fate: no.

* Ghosts: no.

* UFOs: no.

-----------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------

* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? : hah! no.

* Like anyone?: yes. vaguely.

* Who's the loudest: oh. uh. me?

* Who's the shyest: huiling?

* Who's the weirdest: daph. but then we're all weird. thinking about the rabbit pencilcases thing...

* Who do you go to for advice: sometimes friends. sometimes mumndad. mostly i don't ask, i figure it out myself. the toilet thing, y'know.

* Who do you cry to?: myself. my mum, sometimes, on some things. same with advice. not everything gets to 'em, y'know. very very seldom cry in front of others, even if i'm really sad... in fact i don't remember doing that, though i probably did long ago... oh yeah, i did. p2. i cried on the bus home once after not-crying for a whole day. i don't cry in front of my parents if its cos of them i'm crying. but now theres little reason to, anyway. i don't even cry to my mirror, it looks disgusting.

* Whats the best feeling in the world: running. fast. (does this look familiar?)
the time between a fantastic heat and the finals.

* Worst feeling: ohwell. i dunno. depression. a demoralised state. nagging dissatisfaction. thats even worse than outright sadness.

un-die, blog.

aww... :(
go to sleep. whaddya doing on the comp.
bad for your eyes!

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

badly down with sore eyes...
blurred vision in one eye...
feel horrible... horrible...

Monday, September 23, 2002

hahahahahuh?
well. maybe someone is badly in need of a break?

Friday, September 20, 2002

bomb scare? they're just pranks, i bet. had another on tues. we wasted 2 or 3 hours sitting outside in the football field. if one happens tmr we'll get 2 days off sch next week, it's state law.
going camping! run all day and all night. but our coach is the nicest slave driver you'll ever meet. a slave driver, but really nice about it.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

More platitudes :) :

I don't like pussies. I like doggies.

Everyone knows "dulce et decorum est" - it's obligatory. Bah.

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

haha. was that bomb scare for real? or just paranoia?
nv read anna karenina (would like to), nor the other two by jane austen (would not like to)
i don't like her... preconceived prejudice from my father, but despite that i read whatsitcalled? a one word title. starts with s i think...
a dolls house: "no one gives up his honour for love". "thousands of women have done that."

i think my honour would go. ah well.
i don't like war poetry. :(
new egotripped coming out soon!! (we hope)

awwww!!! that's so sweet.
animal lover, newly converted? or pre?
how was it hurt? you keeping it?

i have a pomeranian. very yappy, very fluffy.
no use except were trying to fatten her up for the next barbecue.
in the meantime she merely magnifies the doorbell. good enough, i suppose, for a dog her size.
the newspapers bigger than her.

not reading anything now. :( except perhaps textbooks...

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

very nice. i want a dog. my neighbor's dog fetches the paper (rather mournfully) in the mornings.

marina is lovely. what seas what shores what grey rocks and what islands.
am reading seamus heaney's beowulf right now, substantially better than the 2 other translations i've seen. quite good.

Monday, September 16, 2002

Well my house has a new feline guest!
This poor mewing hurt kitten came up to me while I was waiting for the lift and started rubbing against my ankle...
then it promptly followed me into the lift, into my home, and fell asleep in my lap, refusing to get off...
Hows that!
I'm an animal lover!
haha
or just a convenient bed.

Sunday, September 15, 2002

Marina
By T.S. Eliot

Quis hic locus, quae regio, quae mundi plaga?

What seas what shores what grey rocks and what islands
What water lapping the bow
And scent of pine and the woodthrush singing through the fog
What images return
O my daughter.

Those who sharpen the tooth of the dog, meaning
Death
Those who glitter with the glory of the hummingbird, meaning
Death
Those who sit in the sty of contentment, meaning
Death
Those who suffer the ecstasy of the animals, meaning
Death

Are become insubstantial, reduced by a wind,
A breath of pine, and the woodsong fog
By this grace dissolved in place

What is this face, less clear and clearer
The pulse in the arm, less strong and stronger--
Given or lent? more distant than stars and nearer than the eye
Whispers and small laughter between leaves and hurrying feet
Under sleep, where all the waters meet.

Bowsprit cracked with ice and paint cracked with heat.
I made this, I have forgotten
And remember.
The rigging weak and the canvas rotten
Between one June and another September.
Made this unknowing, half conscious, unknown, my own.
The garboard strake leaks, the seams need caulking.
This form, this face, this life
Living to live in a world of time beyond me; let me
Resign my life for this life, my speech for that unspoken,
The awakened, lips parted, the hope, the new ships.

What seas what shores what granite islands towards my timbers
And woodthrush calling through the fog
My daughter.

honour for love? i don't know. what does sacrificing your honour involve? i suppose yes, but as anne says, i'm untested. and would actually prefer not to ever have to face that decision, but oh well :) bun, i like war poems too! and dulce et decorum est is one of my favourites. i like eliot though, though not just because of cats; actually my favourite poem (of all time!) is marina. eliot, as you might suspect. what seas what shores what grey rocks and what islands (i think). it's so evocative. what were the bomb-sniffing dogs like? we had an emergency talk and (apparently) are going to have an emergency exercise soon. there is nowhere around rgs to assemble, one realises. it's all roads and condos. congrats on missing your tests :)

Saturday, September 14, 2002

what, like anna karenina? i like pride and prejudice better than sense and sensibility. that's not supposed to be related.
i suppose so. but not having had the chance to do it, my frail human ego is untested.
actually, i like war poems. i thought dulce et decorum est was wonderful.
today was friday the 13th, so we had a bomb scare at school. spent 2 hours sitting outside in the field. missed 2 (out of 3 scheduled for today) tests while the bomb-sniffing dogs snuffled through our lockers.

Friday, September 13, 2002

oooohhhh...
i love that poem!!

glad youre somewhat over it.
but yeah, remember her.

mugging. eewch.

oh yeah. read a doll's house some days ago for crp.
poll. would you give up honour for love?

Thursday, September 12, 2002

So much for the study break.

well I got over it somewhat
studying~!

i'm sorry. a hug from me too. remember her, and remember her well. it's the past that buoys us along, the memories of better times that keeps us going. i don't know what to say; i've never lost anybody like that.
it's ironic, because at school today we were talking a lot about september 11th. i think i don't care for all this wallowing in self pity of an otherwise reasonably admirable nation. one mourns for the dead, and then one goes on living.
it's really a war poem, but this deals with going on..

For Johnny by John Pudney

Do not despair
For Johnny-head-in-air;
He sleeps as sound
As Johnny underground.

Fetch out no shroud
For Johnny-head -in-cloud;
And keep your tears
For him in after years.

Better by far
For Johnny-the-bright-star,
To keep your head,
And see his children fed.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

JC1 promos study break
see you people in a month!

Monday, September 09, 2002

thanks dear
*hug!*
I was just looking at her photos, photos of happier times, of me crashing her class, of her posing with friends, of her model photos in the papers, of the photos I took of her in my mind.

And it's hard to believe she died. I suppose there's always proof that she existed, but all the proof I have indicates that she's living, the photos of happier times. She'll always be happy in the photo.

And then I thought about life, and death, in my bathtub, where I wouldn't have to worry about where the water came from, and photography, and like all things, saw that it was both beautiful and sad. Beautiful because it is a moment in time, sad also because it only IS a moment in time.

I cried. (not that it would have helped, but its a human reaction really)

But cried for what.

The loss of a potentially beautiful life. The loss of a friend that cheered me up when I was feeling down over changing schools. The feeling that she'll always be the same in the photos, that there will be no more photos after that day, no more continuation of growth, no photos of her getting married, having kids, being a grandma. I cried because she was a fellow human, and a really really good human.

I suppose I see life differently now. I suppose her friends see life differently now. Life to me is taking more photos, is enjoying every moment, is holding on to the friends I have. Because definitely, one day, each of my friends will go. I will go. And the photos would survive as proof of our existence.

Sunday, September 08, 2002

*hug*

i don't either.
i'm sorry.

well... I suppose the whole world would already know that my friend died in a traffic accident. Xin Min Ri Bao page 5 (8/9/02), go check it out...

Just like to say here that she was a very fun and friendly person... too bad I only got to know her for one week (the week before I left for RJC and she left for Temasek JC), but that week was enough for us to be good friends. Can't imagine how the pain must have been like for my friends who were in the same class with her for 3 mths. So just send some well wishes their way okay.

I can still remember her pretty vividly, what she said or did and how she made me feel more comfortable (cos I was class crashing as usual) and how she was someone with really wacky humour. Remember the lame jokes we shared and now she's gone.

I don't know what more to say.

I concur.

M$N Messenger is evil. Mayhap one day I will draw up an advocacy page for ICQ against M$N IM.

The only reason I use M$N IM is because some people don't have ICQ. Bah.


On his hair: http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~nnguyen/pictures.htm

"Look at how thick and full my hair is. When I become older, I guarantee you that I won't become bald and wrinkley...

People are always complimenting my hair. They say to me, "Nice mullet!" or "I really like your mullet, who's your barber?" At first, I was confused at this statement. I didn't know what a mullet was. I found out after asking my girlfriend at that time. Here's the story of how I got my hairstyle. When I first came to America, I lived in the South for five months. I lived in Alabama. All of the caucasian men had this hair style that was short on the top, and then long at the back. Trying to fit in, I decided to copy this style. Having this hair style is both practical and stylish. It is practical because it protects the back of my neck from the sun. It is stylish because people are always complimenting it...

The thing I love most in the picture is my hair. It is soft, thick, and easy to style...

As you can see from the picture, my hair has lots of volume. It is silky and soft, yet very thick and strong. So strong, that it is able to support the gold crown. I barely feel the crown on my head. Wouldn't you love to run your hands through my hair? If we're on a date, the next morning, we can shower together. You'll have the pleasure of me washing your hair while I wash yours with my expensive hair products."

I'm sorry I had to change it back! Streephilosopher is TOO LOONG~!!!! well... perhaps we shouldn't just keep moving the page around... its hard to keep track of it.

well

haha
well.... I suppose being in different places changes your outlook on life...

Anyone using messenger here? I've bowed to the pressures of time and decided to go get a messenger account.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

nice hair on that dude.

i just found out something rather interesting. and ironic too. some of my friends think i know everybody. when i was in singapore someone told me i was the least "dao" person they ever met. it's interesting because i do know nearly everybody's names and say hi to them when i see them, etc, but it's on a surface level. i couldn't honestly say i have many close friends. but i know a lot of people. it's always fascinating to find out that people have an utterly different view of you than you have of yourself. hum.

the diary thing would work better if everyone was sincere. definitely. otherwise people would read your private thoughts and snigger about them and gossip. what happened to human decency? absence of eveidence isn't evidence of absence, but i really wonder where it's gone.. i never ripped stuff out of my diary. what's the point? it just shows you were embarrassed of your childhood innocence/mindwanderings. i'd rather keep them to laugh at.

Friday, September 06, 2002

.

-that- guy???

as for diaries and openness. most of what i want to say has been said by others.
will skip the long story which had just been deleted by the com. in short, i had a diary in p5 to convince an older me that young kids are not stupid. (it said so on the cover.) much has been ripped out.

i don't think i'm very open. i tend to be quite worried about reactions. so i'm only open with good friends, or people whom i know will sympathise/ empathise, or when i can't see them. blogs. msnning
and i used to be extremely worried about privacy, things getting around and the like. but not now. firstly i have nothing dangerous to hide. secondly i find that most people can be trusted, and its not all that hard to open up.
and about feeling the same way. granted, it does feel wonderful to have a sympathiser, but i too am very proud of my eccentricities and egocentrics (?) and do not appreciate them being undermined. although they are, whether or not i want it.
dunno! some things i love being unique in. unconventional. scorning the base desires of the rest of 'em. or something like.
but at the same time, sometimes, i don't enjoy being 'out'. not having what others have. not being what they are. ohwell. peer presure sets in. i'm still vaguely in denial. and my parents are an even worse case.
now that was an unusual spate of openness.

"i have my own views. i have my own taste." doesnt that strike you as ironic?

and no, i don't think its advisable for the whole world to know what youre thinking.
it would be good to have an on-off thinkwave switch. you can communicate stuff without saying it, when you want something to get across but dont fancy a mode of communication as brusque as speech. but i think it would eventually just turn into another kind of talking, ie, restricted. but in the meantime it could do wonders for the SDU. or otherwise.

at one point i was messing about with this really old cam from my auntie. it could take those whatchacallit double exposure? shots. tried this thing with flowers and floor. it was disgusting. about the only nice pics (i think) from that lot were two close-ups of road arrows. quite cool. i took one with a blurry window (i think it was), with three green and yellow matchboxy things lined up in front of it. i couldn't for the life of me recall what it was. and it was too blur for identification. still a great mystery. the rest were all dreadful failures... but identifiable, at least. hmhm.
and yeah! show us the pics. :D

Most wars aren't caused by lack of understanding. They are caused by avarice, greed, lust and the like.


For those who don't know, this guy's my idol!

well, savekaryn.com is kinda funny... someone ran herself 20,000 dollars in debt and is clearing it by seeking donations from people around the world. Still... she got into it because of a love of branded goods.

I suppose one of the things she says on the site is rather interesting. Success in life is not about how smart you are, but about how bold you are. How true... how many of the irritating popular people I noe just stick their noses into everything and appear so self confident.

I suppose its better to be sure and bold about the things you really noe to avoid screwing other people up royally. And perhaps, sometimes good advice isn't really appreciated...

Well... gaining further insight, I'd say that it won't work. Instead of deceiving others, people will just end up deceiving themselves.

Thursday, September 05, 2002

"People keep to themselves in life because they think they're life is worth protecting, that its a private world they have that no one should intrude on. You are not privy to my world, you'll never know what i think of you. You are just an acquaintance so bugger off(about a boy haha...)."

Well, I guess I'd agree with that :) And then sometimes people don't reveal other sides of themselves because they're afraid of how the other party/ parties/ the rest of the world will react. And that their attitudes to them will change... I suppose humans tend not to like unfamiliar circumstances and I'm sure that this doesn't apply to humans only. Then again sometimes when you open up to other people you realise that you all feel the same way... which makes you wonder if all this facade stuff isn't just a big waste of time. Is it? People can be surprisingly understanding if they see you as being sincere--and being sincere does make them open up more to you. So in the end everyone knows everyone else better. Do I sound very idealistic? I think I do, but oh well.

Then again, it's probably a two-sided thing. I don't know. IF everyone were open and honest and sincere (which is impossible, but nevermind that for now) would the world be more chaotic or more peaceful? You can see it two ways--either this way: if we could read anyone's diary in the world, and everybody kept diaries that accurately reflected what they thought and felt, I'm not sure if we could behave in a manner mature enough to prevent widespread war. OR this way--human beings are all the same underneath, pretty much so... does it equal to better understanding hence harmony? I don't know. Maybe both. Hm. Interesting.

I shall go off and think a bit more.

i like photography. except i've never really had a chance to play around with it ie no experience whatsoever because the family cam is so old i don't think it has a focus. therefore all the fascinating little juxtapositions i try to get, like a close-up flower and buildings in the background (that's not such a good eg, but whatever) come out like mirrors that some kid's spent way too much time breathing on. add to that the fact that my hands shake, or something that makes me twitch when i press the button. well, i like looking at it. guess that'll have to do for now.

diaries. huh. my brothers would get at them too fast. i made up a code one night and started using it, and next thing i know my brother's peering over my shoulder:"mum, jie's writing in code! can i break it? can you pay me to break her code?" it's a fear of letting people know exactly what you think, your very own private thoughts, that horrifies me. i'm perfectly, amazingly open about some things so that people go."anne! we didn't need to know that!" but then other things are =intensely= private and never will see the light of day. or maybe not. it depends. i love most of my own insanity and quirks. egocentric? not really. except what's the point of living if you can't enjoy life and what's the point of enjoying life if you can't be contented with yourself and who you are? i shake my head ruefully at some of the insane things i've done, but it's good to remember. i keep a lot of stuff. 75% of me is in the past, 20% in the present, and 5% in the future. as in what i think about, what occupies me.

i found an interesting short story. someone [snail- HAH-]mailed it to me. i'll find you the web add. i like discussions, so blogs would be my preference. simon and garfunkel RULE.

I've been taking arty farty shots with my manual camera. Uncle's really sweet, left a bunch of filters for me to play with. Blue, darker blue, soft focus, gradual focus and stuffs. The shutter's mechanical and noisy, sounds like the kacheeke you get from powerpoint. But it makes me feel good, cos I noe I'm a photographer and I'm taking pictures... wheee~

hate the manual focus though. I'd frame a shot, and try and focus, and reframe the shot, and forget to focus. Focus can be out if you just tilt your body forward for a better angle. Still, focusing is part of the fun, and sometimes I just practice focusing on objects in the house

I haven't been studying much, surfing, stoning in front of the net. Still, thoughts rush through my brain like MRT trains through City Hall interchange, almost one every minute.

I wondered what it would be like, to have someone come stab me in the bath, would i feel the pain? And it led to alot of thoughts about life and perspective, issues which I've been trying to deal with in all my hobbies. I wondered if I was right in looking at life backwards, imagining that I'm in the future, looking back at my life and all the happy memories. It's kinda like a flashback really, I saw in my mind's eye, an esssay chronologically written, with me writing the conclusion first, and the starting bits later. And the scary thing is, I'm not sure if I'm writing a short story, which implies a twist somewhere, or a novel, where everything has already been hinted at at the start. Doesn't that bother you, not knowing what kind of story you're writing?

But I suppose that's the way I do things, the way I write = the way I think = the way I feel = the kind of life I lead = the way I do things ad. infinitum. I set a mood in my essays, the first paragraph just writes the next and I try to keep my mood constant, try and play with the colours of the passage, to revolve about the same theme, each time bringing out a different shade, a deeper darker shade, or a lighter more whimsical shade. It's like jazz, the chords are the same, just throw out a fastball, modify the theme in unpredictable ways, play with the colours and weave it all together. Its like dancing, like samba, lead, create, weave into space. That's life I guess, in writing, in music, in dance.

I've been around RJC, and people tend to get disturbed when I talk about more personal things, more pressing things, more depth. They don't believe what I'm saying, even when I tell the truth. They tend not to believe, not to listen, that I may have something I feel strongly about, and not afraid to defend it. I guess its just because they've never met someone so open? I'd like to think I'm open. And that maybe these feelings I have I should keep to myself than tell the world. Why?

People keep to themselves in life because they think they're life is worth protecting, that its a private world they have that no one should intrude on. You are not privy to my world, you'll never know what i think of you. You are just an acquaintance so bugger off(about a boy haha...).

But perhaps viewing from the other way, the flashback way, we see that everyone plays a part in your life, and perhaps they should know what you feel now, so that they may affect the rest of your life in a positive way. It makes sense I guess, to communicate with the other players, improve their game so to speak, in order to improve your own.

It's sad, that we only live once. If I could have as many lives as I have browser windows open, I suppose I'd be a better person. I'd suppose people would be better generally. And the closest thing to experiencing a whole different lifestyle would be through reading others diaries.

Its sad that we hide our diaries not only because we don't want people to know what we really feel, but also from ourselves, and our own insanity and quirks. I suppose if we could read anyone's diary in the world, and everybody kept diaries that accurately reflected what they thought and felt, I'm not sure if we could behave in a manner mature enough to prevent widespread war.

Imagine every thought and feeling you've ever thought having weight, that can change other's perception about you, that can shape worlds and cause changes in other people's feelings about you. Would you cry for the lack of privacy, or be happy because you now have the power to change the world?

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

there are blogs that are ODs... I don't see the distinction. I noe someone who treats her diary like life itself... she brings it everywhere with her, never locks it up, and kills anyone else who touches it. : )

which would you say are better? blogs or ODs?

Diaries? I keep a diary. When I was younger I used it to record events, meals, etc... now it's mainly feelings. Though yes, Yu Jing--rereading some entries one experiences 'horror that [one] could write stuff that was so childish and cliche'. Sometimes stuff I write just sounds -bad-. In fact I sometimes can't even be bothered to re-read my entries... for me, writing in my diary is very much a spur of the moment thing. Write it, then leave it. A strange fact about my diary-keeping habit is that I always feel obliged to fill up exactly one page or two pages or three pages etc with writing. No half pages or anything like that. It seems that ecologists have been successful, but oh well. I think online diaries are interesting, but I wouldn't really consider having one (not in the near future at least) because they're way too publicised (or they can be that way) and there are still images that I have to uphold. :) Hm. Off diaries now, anyway.

Photography! I love photography too... okay fine. I love taking pictures but I don't have the makings of a photographer because I can't be bothered to read the manuals and think and remember which buttons to press and everything. I guess I just enjoy recording, if you like, beautiful or interesting things that I see and that I probably won't get to see from the same point of view again. Hence my camera :) My dream is to be an explorer cum National Geographic photographer and writer or something of that sort. But it's only a dream... not the same as my ambition. How sad.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

I wanna see the photos too!

Someone drew my attention to JC Guide. It now has photos of Flesh Parade Night 2002.

Monday, September 02, 2002

Well, right now my portfolio of good pictures has only one entry, but I suppose building a good portfolio requires time, which I do not have rite now... I'm still relaxing my days away *GASP* and someone I spoke to just now was in school from the morning to night studying. I think my attention span has kinda died out, 4 weeks to the promos, barring a miracle, or sudden fervour (which I might add, I'm trying very hard to cultivate) I might be retained.

I'm into black and white photography right now, seeing the world from a different perspective, and I just got my uncle to lend me a old manual focus camera and some lenses and filters. Still, the hobby is rather expensive, I spend about 20 dollars on it a week, still, compared to buying a camera, that's a drop in the ocean.

I think there's a certain romanticism in the camera I borrowed, it being the first camera my uncle ever owned, and having bought it with his girlfriend (who now happens to be his wife)... its a happy camera, and I hope it'll take happy pictures for me.

I'll try to study harder, don't know how to motivate myself though. I never believed in diaries, in my house, no book is left untouched or unread by my parents. Of course, being so laden with papers everyday, I suppose it'll be even harder to write EVERYDAY, and keep the book organized.

I love art... just not fated to be with it. Now going into retro-jazz, blues and black and white photography. Say alot?

Here's my slow response to the diary issue, sorry that my previous post was repeated. I was trying to post using the school computer and it screwed up. I wonder why I even tried in the first place. Oh wells, enough blabbering...
I could never keep a diary. I had a few of the books meant to be used as diaries; some were really pretty, made up of recycled paper and was bined together with twine and some were the ''cutsy'', cheap ones which you got as a kid with a dodgy silver/gold lock which could be unlocked using most types of wires. Those had an uncanny tendency of being made in china and they came in more useful as a tool to whack my brothers with than something to confide my deep, dark secrets in. Haha.
Somehow, I just never felt like writing in then and when I did, *gasp* have something of signifiance to write it and could be bother to, I would usually tear it out the next time I read it. Haha. Just couldn't bear the utter horror that I could write stuff that was so childish and cliche. Haha
I do however keep a visual diary. Diaries, acutally. They range in size, from A3 to A2, so as to suit my mood and the scale of work. They're great fun. I place almost everything which appeals to me in them, I once tried pulling down this poster over here in aussie to put it in but it was pretty damn well glued to the wall. Oh wells. This is when digicams come in useful. Heh. Oh, does anyone else do art? Aep even?
Kenneth: Hey, scan your photos please! I wanna see them! =] Do your photos have a theme?

I and my friend bought "Seventeen" because we were bored. She was disgusted by it. I did't find it so bad. And we got lots of free cosmetics with the purchase.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

hmm. oscar wilde said something like only when you get really old then do you realise that the only things you don't regret are your mistakes. i don't think he really meant it... dorian gray.

wait.

was it oscar wilde? the problem with reading two books at once. it could be from edith wharton's age of innocence. too lazy to check...... anyway.

something about how to retain youth, ie, commit all your youthful foibles again. it sounds like what oscar wilde would have said, and he did talk a whole lot about age and youth. but the 'society' i kinda remember it to be set in belongs with age of innocence. bummer!!

How interesting...
I'm currently listening to waltz for zizi... track with a guitar, some drumset on brushes, harmonica etc... peaceful tune, kinda makes me sad... not being able to make such music anymore, not like I've ever made such tunes... but at least I could have imagined myself making them when i was in the band... oh well, a bunch of the things that would never have been in my life.

I've been thinking that hell perhaps is your life replayed, where every mistake you made is revealed again, and the consequences of each action told to you. Perfect hindsight is always such a curse. I suppose the truth is that no one can run away from making an impact in this world we live in. It's like making music. No matter how loudly or softly you play, or how good you think you are at hiding behind other members in your section, you'll always hear every mistake you made in the recording... and we all comfort ourselves by saying it sounds pretty good.

I've never kept a diary. Not a real diary. My mother tried to persuade me to keep one once, but the few entries I did scribble down were rather mundane, even more so than some of the mind numbingly terrestrial anecdotes that I relate on occasion.

In a way, it's because I brood less, and am less affected by various troubles than other people, or that is the impression I get. Things like still not having decided what I want to do with my life, or in the shorter term, where I want to get my piece of paper called a degree don't really bother me. Or at least not so much that I want to scream to the world. Maybe I'm just less inclined to write it down. Or we can just ascribe it to laziness :)


How does that girl read the message 200 years later? Is she a cyborg or something? The positronic girl!

I never understood Anime. Most of it's incomprehensible. The only one that has made a smidgen of sense is F3, but that isn't really anime (Disclaimer: My friend recommended it to me as "very funny")

What exactly is the difference between rhythmic and non-rhythmic gymnastics? Trampolines?

LOTR is overrated.

Sky Watcher: Why not make a site on your current locale? Fun for the whole family. Then everyone can see where your hamlet is :) Oh I used to be a Sop too. Sop 2. Not sure about my current range.

How many people here are supplementary GEP? Or are people like me rarities? Especially those who jumped from EM2 (Gasp. Shock. Horror.)

i always wanted to write birthday msgs for myself that i could open when i turned 21 or sth. never happened, but i do love reading all my old journals. lost my sec 1 journal in a flurry of packing, a pity b/c it was one of the maddest and the best. do you ppl have journals, or ods?

its very good... I love it....
just watched episode 18.... rather touching, about a video message recorded in the past by a girl for herself to watch in ten years time... only she receives the tape 200 years later... I don't know, should we also record ourselves now for the future to watch?