Frustration
Talking to my relatives last week, I felt the frustration of their helplessness.
How they wish they could live the lives they wanted, getting paid what they wished they were worth, and complaining about the numerous factors that have conspired to make their lives miserable.
Why is life miserable or happy?
How can we make ourselves happy no matter what?
Of course, the concept of "locus of control" comes to mind, but I am loath to trivialize the question with a single simple concept. A single reason.
Does it mean one can't be frustrated even when everything's within control?
Why do we seek to destabilize when everything's finally perfect?
What is boredom?
Experiences and Music
I was listening to a David Tao song on the bus, generally zoning out cos I didn't have my Nintendo DS with me. It was pretty weird, cos at a certain point in the song, I was day dreaming about holding a kayak paddle and feeling the sea waves pull and push it around. And that image faded when that verse of the song passed.
What I want is a way for me to do the same thing. I'm not much of a composer. Really, I write a melody, and some chords, and determine the feel of the song. But there is so much work between that and the performance. I mean.. everyone in the band that I'm in writes their own parts. Aren't they composers too?
We all share a common product, and really, we all have the scope to put our creative ideas into a song. The only question is, would it have been a better song if I wrote it all, or if I let them write some bits of it? Should I be purposefully vague about certain things, so that we can discuss and experiment and come to a conclusion together? What if it weakened the overall structure of the song because it isn't as close as what I want it to be, but it may be stronger in popular appeal.
Well I can't stop thinking about the thought I had during PDCP class, which is the communications course. The issue was.. how to deal with people who feel that they are subject to fate/God's will, and refuse your advice on the basis that things that they have done in the past (sins, retribution) have contributed to their disease today (which is their punishment).
I said that it is really a difference in world view, and the question is, as a doctor, do you work within that world-view, or do you convince the patient of your own world-view.
I thought that maybe we should work within our patients' world-view, because we are not religious/cultural leaders. Either through them, or through relatives, to show that what we want is for the best of the patient. But in the discussion, it became clear that there are many cultural/religious beliefs, that we do not share, and if we do not really share the same cultural beliefs, sometimes we may become blind to the very beliefs that are causing the patients to object. If we ourselves are not culturally aware, we cannot see the obstacles before us that prevent us from getting a successful outcome.
However, I now realize that it is impossible to not "try" to convince the patient of your own world-view. In the end, what we want is behavioural modification. We want our patients to observe therapy, to lead healthier lifestyles, to live longer, more meaningful lives. In that, we have already put ourselves culturally, as non-believers/dis-believers of the concept that disease is punishment from God, or retribution/karma of things they have done in their lives.
If God punishes misdeeds through disease, is not going to a doctor, a means of avoiding the punishment that he deserves? If we take away the punishment, but we don't remove the sin, won't God be angry? Isn't it better to remove the sin through spiritual cleansing and prayer, and hope God lifts his punishment? After all, many people have been "cured" in that way.
In a certain way, to certain cultures, taking away of punishment (disease), could be the same as lifting sin. Do we want to claim that? If you take a big piece of the religion out, wouldn't you run into conflict with the religious leader? And is the religious leader going to look after the welfare of his people, or the traditions of his religion? Because maybe these are duties that he traditionally carried out. For example, witchdoctors concocting medicinal cures, or having a mass prayer to wish for speedy recovery, or going into a trance, to seek forgiveness from the deities.
I don't know what is the right thing to do. I know I'll work for the best interests of my patients, bound by the laws of the land, of what doctors are legally obligated to do, as well as by my own moral conscience. There are many guidelines, but no easy answer.
幻想
我们从来没见过面
但你是我那朝思暮想 的思念
若爱上一个人要放开一切
也许我们最好别遇见
来到了无人的海边 温习思念
幻想我给你的诺言 一遍又一遍
怎样能早些认识你 做你的肩膀
牵着你的手 陪你去流浪
我需要时间 在缘分之前
遇见的瞬间 感动漫天
我要在现实 横跨世界
需要集中 没有杂念
原谅我暂时转身 不再想念
能不能约好 在未来遇见
可是幻想终究还是幻想我 迷失了方向
人来人往潮落潮涨 你 到底在何方
可是幻想终究还是幻想 醒来会受伤
时间磁场里 的我们怎样 地久天长
我需要时间 在缘分之前
遇见的瞬间 感动漫天
我要在现实 横跨世界
需要集中 没有杂念
原谅我暂时转身 不再想念
能不能约好 在未来遇见
Well this is the second finished song I wrote, and I'm kind of proud of it. I don't exactly like the lyrics, but i think the music really fits the feeling that i want to convey.
I've been feeding quite a lot of songs into my brain recently, just enjoying how the notes play with each other. It's like a dance that never really ends. I've also been watching So You Think You Can Dance, and I love the choreography (except that i think there's wayy too much hiphop, even though the hiphop segments are always very fresh). But I haven't really been thinking, thinking about things.
There's been loads of work, and when it's time to take a break, it's late and I just go to bed. Or I play violin, which is coming along nicely. But music really can't be played in a vacuum. It has to be lived, and reflective of life. Music is the interplay of language and culture and life and mathematics. Just like how dance is the exploration of that physical space that we all inhabit.
People write things all the time. They write songs, choreograph dances, write letters, poems, stories. What I'm doing is nothing new. I'm not a good songwriter by any stretch of the imagination, what i want to do is just leave a note to myself, like a message in a bottle that we throw off a ship. So that someday, we might be reunited with whoever we were.
I want to write a love song next. But I need inspiration. Haha, I'm tempted to do a series of songs that make sense once you look back upon the whole thing. I don't know.
