hate the manual focus though. I'd frame a shot, and try and focus, and reframe the shot, and forget to focus. Focus can be out if you just tilt your body forward for a better angle. Still, focusing is part of the fun, and sometimes I just practice focusing on objects in the house
I haven't been studying much, surfing, stoning in front of the net. Still, thoughts rush through my brain like MRT trains through City Hall interchange, almost one every minute.
I wondered what it would be like, to have someone come stab me in the bath, would i feel the pain? And it led to alot of thoughts about life and perspective, issues which I've been trying to deal with in all my hobbies. I wondered if I was right in looking at life backwards, imagining that I'm in the future, looking back at my life and all the happy memories. It's kinda like a flashback really, I saw in my mind's eye, an esssay chronologically written, with me writing the conclusion first, and the starting bits later. And the scary thing is, I'm not sure if I'm writing a short story, which implies a twist somewhere, or a novel, where everything has already been hinted at at the start. Doesn't that bother you, not knowing what kind of story you're writing?
But I suppose that's the way I do things, the way I write = the way I think = the way I feel = the kind of life I lead = the way I do things ad. infinitum. I set a mood in my essays, the first paragraph just writes the next and I try to keep my mood constant, try and play with the colours of the passage, to revolve about the same theme, each time bringing out a different shade, a deeper darker shade, or a lighter more whimsical shade. It's like jazz, the chords are the same, just throw out a fastball, modify the theme in unpredictable ways, play with the colours and weave it all together. Its like dancing, like samba, lead, create, weave into space. That's life I guess, in writing, in music, in dance.
I've been around RJC, and people tend to get disturbed when I talk about more personal things, more pressing things, more depth. They don't believe what I'm saying, even when I tell the truth. They tend not to believe, not to listen, that I may have something I feel strongly about, and not afraid to defend it. I guess its just because they've never met someone so open? I'd like to think I'm open. And that maybe these feelings I have I should keep to myself than tell the world. Why?
People keep to themselves in life because they think they're life is worth protecting, that its a private world they have that no one should intrude on. You are not privy to my world, you'll never know what i think of you. You are just an acquaintance so bugger off(about a boy haha...).
But perhaps viewing from the other way, the flashback way, we see that everyone plays a part in your life, and perhaps they should know what you feel now, so that they may affect the rest of your life in a positive way. It makes sense I guess, to communicate with the other players, improve their game so to speak, in order to improve your own.
It's sad, that we only live once. If I could have as many lives as I have browser windows open, I suppose I'd be a better person. I'd suppose people would be better generally. And the closest thing to experiencing a whole different lifestyle would be through reading others diaries.
Its sad that we hide our diaries not only because we don't want people to know what we really feel, but also from ourselves, and our own insanity and quirks. I suppose if we could read anyone's diary in the world, and everybody kept diaries that accurately reflected what they thought and felt, I'm not sure if we could behave in a manner mature enough to prevent widespread war.
Imagine every thought and feeling you've ever thought having weight, that can change other's perception about you, that can shape worlds and cause changes in other people's feelings about you. Would you cry for the lack of privacy, or be happy because you now have the power to change the world?
posted by Downhere. @ 12:03 am
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