Yourself? : hello~

Friday, November 25, 2005

A very tired but totally wonderful Ying Yi. And her bunch of supporters!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

I really love the ACJC Drama Club lighting guys. They just made the whole place so beautiful light wise.

A Christmas Carol

Just went for this amazing ACJC Drama performance that set me thinking. Wrote a really long blogger post, but blogger ate it up in my hurry to post more photos.

My point is, in very summarized form, was that I felt a little disturbed that Scrooge was "persecuted", for his financial prudence, and reflecting the emotions of that time. A Christmas Carol was written in a time of abject poverty, where there were too many mouths to feed. Scrooge, being a money lender, could not jeopardize his own livelihood, unlike Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. As we see from Cinderella Man, most of the "relatively prosperous" in that time, had their own troubles, and only kept up appearances. Are we then prosecuting Scrooge because he "refused to have fun" during a difficult time? Or because he didn't give alms to the poor? Remember, this was a man that did not even give money to himself. Is being rich a crime? If one does not flaunt it around, does it matter how many zeroes he has in his bank book?

Scrooge is a moneylender, that's why to him, time = money. Time is in his "interest". When times are hard, is it inappropriate to suggest to his workers to work harder for their families? Perhaps it's better to just get a raise from your boss without working any harder. Is he exploiting his workers? Yes! Because he is exploiting the market forces of that time, which provides him with cheap labour. But isn't that how China is making themselves richer? By use of cheap labour? Isn't that how Singaporeans are managing to make themselves richer, by having dual income families, and hiring a maid, and paying them a low wage? How far have we come from the time of Scrooge? How has he sinned by being a shrewd business man, and how is he different from us?

The play draws a contrast between Scrooge and Bob Cric-something. The one with a sick son. Who is the better person here? The man that provides employment for Bob to feed his son, or Bob, who squanders his pay on a Christmas Dinner, when his son is Tiny, and dying of malnutrition. Does deluding the whole family, and squandering precious resources the "spirit" of Christmas? Is Christmas a meal ticket, where the rich should give money and presents to the poor, so they can squander it on a great meal, while the company collapses and becomes unable to provide them with any job at all.

Singapore is the "Scrooge" in the region. We live amongst developing and third-world countries. Do you see us giving them the fruits of our labour? How about giving half of our savings to the failed democracies, or welfare states around us? How long do you think the money will last? Subsidizing fuel prices so farmers can run their antiquated tractors, padding the pockets of ministers' sons in charge of the distribution of that wealth. It is like that beautiful ending. Scrooge giving money to the people around him, especially, the alms collectors from the Church. Joining the madness, so that in the end, we can all share in the same delusion.

Let us all be generous and spend freely, like the United States is doing, and leave the debts and the problems to Tiny Tim, our children and the future. After all, another fool like Scrooge will come along someday..

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

GEP and being gifted

So now there has been a number of posts on the newspapers discussing the GEP programme, and whether it's good or bad, blah blah blah. As someone who has graduated, and look back upon those days fondly, I feel obliged to write about what I feel GEP is all about.

GEP to every student is a really different experience. We are all labelled "Gifted", but we are all individuals as well, and "gifted" at different things. Everyone in the world is gifted in some way or another, and we are also part of that world. The fact that there is a program for us, identified as such by academic testing, is our good fortune. However, it is really no different from other programmes, like sports schools, or cooking academies, or hairdressing.

GEP is really about accelerated growth, because the people they've identified, have abilties that may be a year or two better developed than their peers. GEP is also an experiment for the education system, and pioneers techniques for other students in other schools. Some of the things I have been exposed to: project work, attachments, poly courses, presentations, scheduling, research, etc etc. Are things that eventually are made available to other children, as the approach is better refined, as the goals and the possibilities are made clearer.

Sometimes, even the programmes that are implemented for school children these days, are not as good as the ones we had back then, because the understanding of the goals of these programmes are lost together with the motivated teachers that are unable to pass on their accumulated knowledge. Breaucracy, standardization, these are things present in the Singapore school system, that the GEP, as a result of it's size, is able to do away with.

How much of the GEP is about academics? Not much at all. Any student who wishes to take A level Mathematics in Primary school, can purchase study aids, tution teachers, assesment books from the market. That is missing the point of the GEP (IMHO). The GEP is a philosophical, enlightened exploration of the possibilities of education, one that acts as the moral soul of a huge huge system. One that gives much, and expects much as well.

Everyone lives to answer a question, and the question that I chose to attempt to answer over my 7 short years as a GEP student, is the question of Education. A question I asked my literature teacher in Sec 1 was, what is education for? Is it for our good, or for the country's good? Are we trained so that we can fit into industry, or are we taught about living as human beings?

The mainstream system is competitive. It's about streaming, it's about standardized tests, it's a conditioned reflex to life. Let us go study what's in the textbook. Let us go memorize. Let us go do a hundred MCQ questions to do well on the next standardized test. So that in the eventual future, we can afford/apply for; this this this this.

Is that what life is about? A never ending series of challenges? Of hard work, promotion, and more hard work?

The GEP system is competitive too. In a slightly different way. Everyone has things they like. In a small class of 25, we may have as much as 5 different groups working on art, literature, science, math, language. There are geniuses, and there are others who just seek a little flavour in their lives. There are people who compete against the rest of the world, on their mastery of their subject field at their age. And there are people who just pause, and take in a little of what their friends share in class, resynthesize it, and make it understandable for the rest of us.

What I took away from the GEP, was not a path, or a map to success. What I learned, was that there are individual interests in every person's soul. Passions, that when reignited, may burn brighter than any carrot or stick can incite.

Being gifted, is not about the hard work mastering subjects that may have no teacher. It's not about being away from family at a young age, in school, working and researching your pet projects. It's not about lacking in social skills. (I think most GEP students have more social skills. We just need similar minds) It's not about doing well at standardized tests.

It's about making the most of this spark of life that we've been given. It's about breathing fresh air, and being passionate again about life. It's about opening up new possibilities. It's about finding a sense of hope. Because when you can see all the flaws in life, it's all about hoping for the best, and working away at it, one chip at a time.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Channel U's coverage of WCG

My god! Channel U's coverage of WCG was so bloody painful. They're fucked up! They just went on and on about the two hosts when I really wanted to watch the game. Really! It's like a soccer match focusing on the rules of soccer and the cheerleaders, and then after 15 mins show you this 2 min match highlight of a goal.

Crapsters! How do you do game reporting like that. There isn't the flow of the game at all. It's like showing the checkmate move at the end of a chess game, without showing how the match progressed.

Really... Nerds don't care about the hosts or the newscasters or the fashions or whatever. Just give us the games, because we may not have time to go and watch. Show us the strategies, the new tactics. Show us the skills of all those players who have spent nights after nights honing their reflexes and strategies.

That's what gaming is about. Not some stupid hosts talking and joking and walking around like it's your bloody house game party. It's not. It's as insulting as sitting at the poolside of the Olympics and sipping champagne, commenting on how "Those swimmers are really fast today eh.", and having your own bloody picnic.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Making no Choice and free will

Research on identical twins who were separated at birth and brought up in different environments, seems to indicate that our genes have a greater impact on the way we live our lives than any other factor. Not only do the majority of these twins share the same taste in a wide variety of things, they tend to hold similar jobs, marry similar spouses, and hold similar views and opinions. What happened to free will? Is it possible that the choices we believe we make out of our own free will, are preprogrammed by our genes?

The knowledge that we are preprogrammed may not help us in our actual lives, but at least on the go board we can still foster this illusion of choice. As we can usually attack stones from a number of directions, it is often a mistake to decide too early and limit our possibilities. In other words, sometimes making no choice is the better choice.

--- Daily Yomiuri Online - The magic of Go ---

Maybe in love too, we should never decide too early.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

4 stones from God.

There was PDP today which went pretty well. I thought the patient was really nice, and of course, I got over my jitters really quickly. It is a little like making friends with a total stranger, and talking about really personal questions in a really short time. There is this implicit trust in doctors, nurses and medical students alike, at least from this patient today. From my professors, and fellow students alike, I can see how we've earned it. But I also know that not all doctors are like that. Over the years, I'm sure some will get disillusioned. Will I be one of them?

Anyway the title is this whoa I got when I saw Prof Peter Huang's room. It is really filled up to the brim with books. I thought immediately of the Weiqi association, and of all the games that have taken place in the whole of Weiqi's history. That really, it takes alot of reading and a lot of hard work to get to where the profs are right now. Kinda like how those people in the overseas weiqi associations spend entire years devoted to reviewing and memorizing past games. When you become a pro, you know about 200 Weiqi books worth of games. To compete with the best in the world, you need to know about 6000 books worth.

Back when i was still taking lessons, I remember this other student telling me that Yang laoshi actually reviewed a game with him, one year after they played together, to show him his improvements over the year. I was pretty surprised to know of that. How many games are there actually in a professional's head? How vast is the human memory? I can barely remember 40 moves in a game. Maybe a full game of 200 moves if I play through it three times. But to remember a single game out of so many, when in a classroom situation the teacher plays 6 to 8 students, over a course of an hour, over the course of a year. How big is the human mind?

The top pro (not currently tho) Otake Hideo once said that he would need to take 3 or 4 stones from God.

(Go has handicap stones between players of different levels, the weaker player gets extra stones on the board at predefined locations at the start of the game. This can be converted into extra territory [one stone is worth about 10 points on the board], or used to exert influence in the hope of gaining more territory as the game progresses)

It's sobering that no matter how hard we try, we are always that bit short of perfection. Has the gap between our best Weiqi players and God always been that of 4 stones? How big is the gap between physicians and God? 4 stones by the way, is a lot. It means that if two players with a 4 stone difference play between each other, the better side is expected to win more than 80% of the time. After the handicap is given, this ratio should decrease to 50%, or slightly in favour of the weaker player.

Are doctors today 4 stones away from God? We've practiced medicine for as long as we have played Weiqi, for almost as long as we have documented ourselves living and dying. Can we save 20% of the patients at death's door?

Weiqi has an almost infinite number of moves sequences to fill the board. More atoms than the universe. Similarly with patients. Their diseases can have all sorts of causes. A genetic mutation, a new strain of virus, bacterial infection, inflammation, immunologic reactions. There are many ways to die (in both things). But luckily we also have professionals at the forefront, lookout out for us, explaining why this is good, why that is bad. And I'm happy to be part of this entire legacy I guess.

Receiving knowledge, and contributing to it if I can. Getting closer to God one stone at a time.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Weiqi Part 2. Better picture.

Weiqi

This is my weiqi set.. if anyone's interested. BTW, I'm just putting up so many pictures because I've been very bored with studying, and decided to just do some art in the meantime. That also means, I didn't study today!

Bad and good teas

Made some really bad "Oolong" tea just now that tasted of grass. And recalled that I bought it a long time ago, at a supermarket near my house on a whim. The price was irrestible.. only 2 or 3 dollars. Since then, the price of the teas I've been drinking have only gone up. And that poor can of tea? It's still full after 2 years.

I'm currently drinking Earl's Grey from Twinings, and it's worlds better than that cheap Oolong. Of course, it's also $16. But hey, I've still got some around after 1 year. Definitely doesn't finish as quickly as coffee does, so I guess it works out. Also experimented with this marvellous Gold line Jasmine Tea from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I remember the Jasmine scent spreading through the entire office when I opened the can. Of course, I made tea for everyone, and we had something better than teabags for once.

But my favourite tea of all, is Tie Guan Yin (or Iron Buddha). It's a very Teochew tea. I practically grew up on the stuff, as my grandpa (now deceased) used to drink lots and lots of tea, while collecting teapots (which I'm using now). A good brand is the $15 dollar Ong Sam Yong Tie Guan Yin tea in a can that you can find at certain Cold Storages. It's another top grade tea, and I've tried all their Tie Guan Yins from the lowest grade to the top grade (3 different grades). It's a big improvement over the middle grade, so it's worth the money. Just the scent of the tea itself is good enough to bring calmness to you, and transport you back into your childhood. Where the elders would prepare tea at the coffee shops, together with a warm bowl of Bak Kut Teh, or at Chinese family dinners, where the Tea, Teapot and Teacups would come seperately. And you had to wash the Tea cups in warm water first before drinking from it. Only now did I discover that those coffeeshops gave the best tea to it's customers. You had to warm the cup in boiling water because those uncles knew that that made the tea taste better. You had to "wash" the tea with hot water first, before adding some more to let it steep. This actually warms the tea leaves and the teapot. Even the duration of steeping the tea in the teapot is an art, honed over many years, with many different types of tea.

The brown liqour in my cup is not whisky, but tea.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

My connection with Weiqi?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Toodle

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

PBL!

Here's a picture of my PBL group! And my very first picture post! :D All thanks to Yujing, who reminded me that Hello can do Photoblogging, and Google! which released a new version of Picasa that makes this all so easy. I'm doing this from within Picasa 2.1.

Seriously, it's making me reconsider buying only Macs for my next laptop, since finally, there's some user friendly integrated software being made for the PC.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Med.

Haha, I don't know why the last post turned religious. I never meant it to be. I mean, I hold religious belief to be a very personal thing, and I rarely talk about it to people, unless I know them pretty well.

I'm happy about medicine. I really am. I've made the best choice of my life so far, and I've met great great people. My OG, my 3stan anat group, my seniors, my professors. I feel that I've been led into this warm and happy family of people preparing and helping each other for war against disease and disability. That most of us are here because we care.

And I've grown too. On a very subtle level, I've changed. I'm more comfortable with being congratulated, more comfortable with helping those in need. More comfortable with my own mortality and morality, and the after. More comfortable with people who are sick and diseased.

I have cleansed myself of the things that don't matter. I'm now more focused on things that do. On people that do. On aspects of myself that do. I think I lead a more balanced life now. And that I believe, is what I believe most in strangely.. balance.

I miss people tho. People who have been such a big part of my life and now I have no idea where they are. A whole long list in my heart from p6 all the way to j2 and even NS that somehow... I'm waiting to see again.

The human body is really amazing. I will work harder to understand it!

Another reflection

I haven't been writing for quite a while. the work involved in Medicine is just crazy. It's a good day today though, with the wind just blowing through the house, a quiet peace just settling around the place. It's like a chinese temple, like the one that stands next to my house, or the one that I visited in my youth. This stern, monolith of a building, with the wind breezing through the courtyard, and a silent prayer chamber, and this sense that you are finally alone, finally at peace, away from it all.

I used to pray for things I wanted. To do well, for health, for happiness, for ease in school/NS/life, for the health of my family, and resolution to their problems. But over the years, I simplified my prayers to say, this year has been a good year. Thank you. And it's a sort of mutual understanding now. Between me and Guan Yin, where I believe that life will be good as long as I do my part in keeping the balance, and he does his part, wherever he is.

He doesn't make me feel like I owe him anything. He doesn't say, tell me your troubles so I can fix them, tell me about all the things I can make better in your life. I don't feel like confiding in him either, all the little upsets and trials. It's just understood between us I guess, like a friend to another good friend. Dude, I'll keep myself alive and well wherever I am, and you better do the same too.

When we get together, let us just enjoy the moment, this moment of peace we have with each other.Let us form this connection and luxuriate in a common understanding.

Yourself?

wishing you happiness

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