Appreciation
Astonishingly enough, connoisseurs are more or less agreed on the subject of what constitutes a good bow, apart from the wood and the price. It is naturally true that the longer one has had to do with bows, the more details one can see in them. And the more details one recognises, the nearer one gets to the essence of a bow. At the same time, however, the connoisseur is more careful in his judgement. There are bows which one finds beautiful at first sight, but which lose their fascination the more one contemplates them. Others that one had not particularly liked at first gain sympathy with time. What appeals to people straight away probably has to do with the degree of familiarity of the observed shapes. The slowly arising sympathy comes, however, from the more genuine understanding of the object in question. This is the build-up of a relationship between object and observer.
Value
I was looking at old violins, trying to understand the world of artifacts, old wood boxes with plastic and steel strings on them. I have a pretty good sounding violin, which I bought at a reasonable price. However, these antique instruments do not have any further work on them. They are not better sounding today, than they were years ago. So why do these things appreciate in price, and others don't?
I don't really want to talk too much about this, although the articles I read did have some pretty good analyses. I think the value lies in the emotion it brings out of the person who has it. We don't buy things. We buy emotions. Some people buy bargains, because it brings out the bargain seeking emotional reward centre. Some people have excess cash, so they buy reputations, names, because they can spare the cash, and they are looking for a future windfall ahead. Some people buy for the happiness, however transient, that owning one of the world's rarer object gives them.
I wonder which kind of person am I.
Looking at the kinds of people there are in the world, the only thing I want to figure out, is what kind of person I am, what kind of value I have, and who might want me.
Violin
Just practiced violin again. Another two hours flew by. I think I'm getting pretty good already, in the sense that I'm no longer struggling through the motions, but thinking about the music that's coming out. I changed new strings also, and it's interesting how I now KNOW when it's out of tune (cos it kept stretching) when in-tune and out-of-tune is usually the last thing on my mind. I used to think roughly there was good enough, but now when i play my guitar, the slight imperfections in pitch due to the fretted nature of the instrument also annoy me.
I wouldn't say I'm excellent yet, but I think excellence is within my grasp. I think I can perfect first position once the CAs are over, and I have some time to put into intensive practice. Then it's work on vibrato and third postition. Expectations have been raised! I'm no longer looking to finish Grade 2 (since that's like only a few weeks away now), probably aiming for Grade 5 within the year. I'm at the 5 mths mark now, and it seems doable.
I love the absolute sense of concentration playing the violin puts me in. I'm fighting with myself to let the emotions out, and I'm letting the emotions I want to express, train myself. One sets a mental goal, some way I want to play the music, and let my body try to reach it. It's really exciting and lovely. Everything starts with a goal, and the fun part, is the struggle to reach it.
I love the violin. Every part of it. I was working out the physical principles in lectures today, and having access to music journals, being a university student, really helped. I could never have thought completely about it without the help of ideas from these professionals. But I also have new ideas of my own :D Maybe one day I can make them happen.
I think silk strings are the way to go for the E string and A string. Now to find an erhu silk string supplier! Maybe Passiones for the next string set :D Music rocks!
Success!
After hours of struggling, I finally managed to put a silk string on my violin that works...
Sheesh.. Don't I have a test coming up? She's going to sound so awesome now :D
Success!
Almost there
My violin sounded beautiful today. I think I hit the right bow hair tension. It's got this smooth as silk sound that i really like, like one of those violins on CDs. A smooth beautiful sound. Too bad my E string is a bit too overpowered. But otherwise I really like my bow and violin. Chinrest, I'm still looking for the perfect height. It just needs to be like 1 cm taller.
I like clarity in my life. I want to be honest with people. I think honesty is one of the easiest ways to maintain your own happiness. So much of the time, we're so worried about what people think of us, that we forget what matters most is what we think about ourselves. And if we make ourselves out to be what we're not, the only person we're lying to, is ourselves. And the person that will be unhappiest is ourself.
In a day, countless people walk in and out of my life. To them, what I am is but a fleeting moment, in a day that spans 24 hrs, in a life that spans 80 years. Why should I care what they think of me, when I have to live with myself for the next 60 years?
It's not easy to be honest. One of my worst fears is to let someone into my private world. I hate it when I perform something that means something to me, for an audience that is at best.. ambivalent. That's art. To expose who you are, without restraint, without any sense of self-shame. Because in the end, it's not the audience that remembers your particular piece of art, or that particular moment in your concert. But it is you, that lives with the lie, if you did not put in your best at the performance, if you did not open yourself up. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you might meet someone who understands what you're trying to say, and you might share that one emotional moment together.
Art is like screaming into the dark, and hoping to hear an echo. So that you know you're not alone.
I really respect artists. That's why I give them my full attention, and my full emotion.
Dvorak's Humouresque No 7
I think this is the saddest note in all the music I've ever heard.
Lust, Caution
I caught Lust, Caution today with Geri, and I thought it was a pretty good movie.
Just wanted to note a few things I got from the movie before I go back to studying.
Lust, Caution is a movie about love, and really explores love in so many ways. Love of country, love of performance, love between friends and comrades, love between lover and mistress, love between married couples, physical love, and mental love.
I thought it very philosophically similar to Infernal Affairs, which is another great movie I love, but perhaps the nuancing of the tale left many people lost. Many key points were.. too nuanced. For example, Mrs Yee knowing that her husband has been sleeping around by the use of the term "Se4 Gui4" over their mahjong conversations.
I thought the mahjong conversations were a whole story by themselves. It's really worth a deeper examination, but I can't keep all those facts flying at me straight. What I caught tho, was the powerlessness of these women, in times of war, yet there was this determination to keep up to date. The mahjong partners keep changing, as the movie moves from shanghai to hongkong and back as the war progresses. Yet there is always this.. hidden danger lurking, of making a slip up, while putting up a false front of friendship. There are trades on the table, tiles, while there were also favours being traded verbally.
Anyway, there's so much I can talk about the movie, but I'll just focus on the main point I guess. Mr Yee's and Mrs Mak's relationship. I thought the sex was a very integral part of the movie. Mrs Mak summarizes it near the end of the movie by her outburst while reporting. She talked about how Mr Yee was getting to her, not only physically, but mentally. How their sex may have been painful, bleeding, yet neither would ease up, or relent, until neither could stand it any more. And through the progressions of the sex, you can see that the relationship in bed, went from Mr Yee over Mrs Mak, to a relationship of equals.
Instead of Mrs Mak being a sexual tool, (as alluded to in Mrs Mak commenting that Mr Yee wishes to make her a whore when he brought her to the Japanese quarters) Mr Yee saw Mrs Mak as an equal (symbolized by the diamond ring), and more than a whore.
Their relationship was one where both grew younger, more emotionally close, as they got better acquainted. Yet, their relationship also paralleled the sex they were having. There was already a limit to how close they could have gotten, due to their job nature, just like how sex has a limit to how close you can go. And the whole relationship depended on this.. dance before the orgasm. Because the cathartic orgasm would lead to the end of the relationship/sex. And that's why the dance at this limit was so draining, both emotionally and physically.
Mr Yee had a very simple view of the occupation. He just wanted to stay alive, and be with Mrs Mak. On the one hand, he was this charming lover, this rich man, pre war, but on the other hand, every day he had to torture other people, in order to stay alive. (he knew he was being watched). Mrs Mak represented the thing he looked forward to most, the normal life he once had, and when she died, you could see in the final scene, his life draining from his face.
What is love? But dancing at the edge?
What is love? But making oneself vulnerable to certain loss?
Pride
It takes researchers entire lives to contribute to the understanding of the human body.
It takes a salesman a call/conversation to convince people that they know better, and the company's alternatives are as good as expensive medical therapies.
It takes a patient, a second to say no to life-saving therapy.
We should take pride in the fact that although there is a lot that we don't know about the human body, every inch of ground that we DO know, has been hard fought, with the efforts, and monies of many.
Yet, it only takes a moment to say no.
Goals to achieve
I agree in a way, that everyone steps out of their comfort zone from time to time, that they've painstakingly built, so that they would have something new to achieve, something new to conquer.
I think my life has been the same.
Life is a slow suicide. We learn new things, so that we can decide not to use them. We breathe in, and then we exhale. We read, then we forget. We dance together, then we dance in pairs, and then we dance alone.
Life is a slow suicide. We eliminate the pleasures in our lives one by one, systematically, methodically. We learn to laugh when we were children at everything, and smile at everyone that walks by. We stop laughing, and stop smiling as time goes by. We forget, and when we die, we frown and grimace.
Life is a slow suicide. We were born perfect, before we started to lose our perfect vision, and then our fitness, and then our hearing, and touch, and then our teeth.
Life is a slow suicide. We take up hobbies that mean the world to us, and then we let things that don't mean anything to us take them over, so that we can kill whatever passions we have, for the "future time" when we can spend all the time with the things that matter to us.
Life is a slow suicide. We fall in love with each other, then we fall out with each other, and then we fall dead.
Radio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFFEs24QROk
4. RADIO
Lyrics: Tack and Yukky / Music: TAKUYA
Ooh can you hear me? Can you hear my radio?
My voice goes through the airwaves to your town
On a trip to express my thoughts
My love goes through the airwaves to a far away town
On a trip to express my thoughts
Turn up the volume on the radio just a little bit
We should be able to get in that loving voice
Come out of the sleeping town tonight on the airwaves
Farther than a night train or light
Even if I'm hugging my knees, even if I'm beaten in love
I don't fit in the glass case of warmth
Turn up the volume on the radio just a little bit
Get past my depressing surrealist days
Fantastic!! I can hear it from the radio... from the radio...
Just sweet!! I can hear it from the radio... from the radio...
Oh!! Just see!!
Ooh can you hear me? Can you hear my radio?
Turn up the volume on the radio just a little bit
Get past my depressing surrealist days
Fantastic!! I can hear it from the radio...
I can hear it from the radio...
Just see!!
