A Blogging Moment
Okay, since I'm all excited over the Apple announcement tomorrow and travel dreams. There isn't really anything I can do tonight that won't take up a whole lot of time. That's why I've been blogging so much.
Feeling much better after looking through Prof Hwang's Endocrine notes. Also amused myself by marking out where I fell asleep during the lecture.
Talks with people are always very very good! Talked to Ivan and Dingsoon and Joshua again over lunch. Managed to teach a bit more weiqi, learnt that dingsoon got a weiqi headache, and make overseas trip plans. I think they're really my kind of people. Looking forward to getting to know them a little better. Somehow we have the same wavelengths about things, yet we also have differences in terms of culture. Ivan's religious, I'm not. Dingsoon's interested in going on cheap trips to strange places like me! And maybe, in a way, we all don't really fit in into the usual mould.
Part of life, is really about finding people you fit in with. I fit in with people who generally have balanced lives. Happy, independent people. People who are uninhibited in speaking their minds, who aren't concerned about group politics, or status, or what others may think of them.
Over the weekend, I also found people I did not fit in with.. Astee said I make really quick decisions about people, when I told her about my dilemma over the weekend and what I decided to do. And well, I said, if another person doesn't fit me as well as she does, why should I bother starting another new friendship? Why should I dilute my attentions towards the few people that really matter with people who will not work out anyway?
I thought Candice and Raymond as a couple turned out great over Monday and told Candice so. It's really very hard to find someone whom you can do everything with, and who is so nice about it all. It's a very sweet relationship. You can tell that in the future, they'll be a great singer/doctor family. I don't know Raymond really well, so I won't write anything about him, but I think Candice lost certain passions that she may have valued in the past, but gained more focus towards things that will matter to her future, like Medicine, and Raymond. In the end, I think it's a pretty good bargain. It's something like a gift really, something she needs, something safe, simple and pleasant.
I think friendships winnow themselves out over time as you get to know each other better. It's really nothing personal, everyone's just finding people they can work with. In the end, everyone ends up happy. Why get upset over what was, when you can get excited about what will be.
As for me, the next relationship, I really want to push the boundaries. I want something more complex, more risky, more... true to life. I want the feeling of a relationship that no one else will ever have. Conversations with so many levels. A person who will manipulate me as much as I will manipulate her. Shades of grey! Whacky ideas! Just reading Popagandhi and getting so many ideas. Someone who I can travel with, who won't mind lying on a beach in the middle of nowhere, scampering over wet rocks, and climbing into steep caves. Someone who won't mind just breathing in a beautiful Zen garden, with her back on mine. Someone who will be her feminine self, just as I assume my masculine roles. Someone to whom feminity isn't weakness but strength, and masculinity isn't only strength, but foolishness. Under the stars, we will play, like two opposed and complementary forces. The world our oyster. My stupidity, her intelligence. My failings, her strengths. My philosophy, her practicality. Our balance.
Dreams.http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
This is what I hope to do next time. Design and Medicine. Keep working hard Kenneth!
Pregnancy Suit Saves Lives.Hey Jing, so sad that the shirt's for women only. It's okay! I was thinking it'll be nice if every girl taking a photo with me wore that Tee, and I wore a green shirt saying "Geek."
Haha.
Shirts!
Anyway, I so want this
T-Shirt!
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Buy it for me someone!
Realm of expensive glasses.
Wow.. Rouan's red glasses cost $120 dollars to fix. Thankfully she offered to pay half of the repair cost even though it was my fault, throwing a polo ball at her in the pool which accidentally bounced off her head. Still.. I wonder how much they cost! It must be really expensive if one bent arm is worth $120 bux.. The glasses probably are.. 400+ without lens? 500 bux with?
Anyway, be careful people before throwing your balls around. I've learnt my lesson. And besides, it's not nice inconveniencing others.
Decision.
Whoa... The canoe polo competition just ended. It was really fun rowing for once, even though I can no longer shoot. But just turning and weaving amongst the guys, going over boats and doing a handroll just reminded me of my days in RJ. Somehow, in some ways, it's not much different from Med. The atmosphere doesn't really change year after year. Somehow the people are the same.
Nice opponents made my day though. Some were really encouraging, sportmanlike conduct. Some shook my hand after the game, or said "Good handroll", and looked genuinely concerned for my wellbeing. Spoke to the MCs after the match and thanked them for being entertaining. Cosy and Liling. Must try to remember their names. We live on this world only once, and the people we meet are so few. Why not try to make everyone's day a good one?
Geri, sometimes I feel that being too open is not the most effective way. I think sometimes, being a little blur and listening out for clues may be more effective in solving communication problems. I just solved a problem I had in a very nice, roundabout way, and I'm convinced by the truth of the answer. So that's that for me. Remember how I usually win in Weiqi games. It's not that you played badly. It's just that you played your best, and that makes you very predictable when I need you to make a big mistake.
Haha.. Even my friends know I love Weiqi more than women.
Still, what I learnt from the spirit of the canoe polo IVP players is that, winning isn't everything. Somehow, holding back can make the game more fun for everyone, and what's most important is having a good time. Maybe NS changed me, but I'm now more used to providing services to people. I want to make sure people have a good time interacting with my helpdesk, even if their computer broke down, and they're stressed and cranky, and they've got to print something by 5pm and it's already 4pm. Sometimes it's just being concerned about their problems, sometimes it's a little hard work behind the scenes (and breaking a few rules to make it happen), but it makes a difference the next time they call you for help again.
Anyway I just felt very touched this weekend by my family who helped me survive it again. They're really amazing, loaning me the car so I can fly around Singapore like Superman, making sure I'm awake at the right times, and feeding me. Because of the Canoe Polo competition, I had like.. 2 hrs between canoepolo and dance prac, on both Saturday and Sunday, and they made sure I got a bath, homecooked food, and a short nap within that time... 9am to 9pm days! I can survive this!
But really, when I look around, there's such a wonderful
body of people supporting me whatever I do. And that's the people who really matter. The ones who make superhuman efforts possible. The ones who just lift me up and allow me to push and pull through.
Even though I know I'm not, I'll try and be a superhuman so that I can help them next time, when they really really need me...
Time's just flying by in my family, it's been another week again. They're the most important people to me. I'm just so thankful for my little piece of heaven at home. Hopefully all my friends having problems with their families can resolve them soon. Life's too short to be angry at people you have such limited time with. Life's just too short.
I think the thing that most affected me so far is Justina's death. After her suicide, I just thought through everything I thought I knew about life. The period which I knew her was like a microcosm of my own life. I actually wondered for a while whether suicide is necessarily bad. Isn't it better to just end it while you were still happy and on top of your game? I wonder what she went through in her mind during her last moments.
Perhaps, by deciding to live, we are all in our own ways seeking death. Life is but a way to achieve the perfect death. I'm just seeking to dance at the edge of Death's sword. In my mind, I know I'm almost dead. And that keeps me on my toes. Death is a marvellous motivator to live.
Notes
Do you know what's more scary than studying Netters/Snell/Moore? Actually reading through your notes and correcting all the mistakes in them!
I have a very sad relationship with my notes. I can't read them, and when I do, they lie to me.
Research
I don't know why so many people are against research. They seem to be really against it. I still remember the concept that Prof told me back in J1. He told me to prove every equation and principle for myself. Once you understand the fundamentals of why you do what you do, then you can be sure what you're doing is the right thing.
I think everyone is really working very hard to memorise facts, figures and relations for the CA. I guess I'm the only naive one out there. I really want to understand why the human body is built this way. It is worth knowing, because concepts across the sciences are similar, and the techniques that the body has pioneered could be used for the betterment of humanity, instead of just something that you correct with blunt methods.
When I asked my question about Follicular stimulation, I was thinking of sperms undergoing their own form of selection by being forced to swim through the cervix, womb, and fallopian tubes. They went on a race through chance, acid conditions, and natural selection to ensure the strongest sperms make it. Why then are female eggs spared from this natural selection process? Shouldn't it be even tougher than the male regimen since there are 100 million sperms, but only one egg? Quite happy the Prof got what I was implying through my question. I don't really want to know the details. I just want to know that such a mechanism exists. That in some miraculous way, we are the marvels that we are.
Hope the people enjoy the Oasis concert. Oasis is such a nice name for a band.
Was a bit upset over lunch because it seems like my friends are having a blast of a time in Uni. Joy's graduating already after 2 years, and she's going to work for Morgan Stanley. Enping's going off to Duke, and working on exciting DNA PCR without the use of primers. I'm sure Jietong worked on interesting research projects in her M1 year as well. I just feel left behind sometimes. Doing all the mundane stuff when new discoveries are just over the horizon.
I'm sorry, I guess I'm just upset about being sure of what I want to do, yet the journey seems so long and unconquerable. I don't want to just write papers. I don't want to experiment on monkeys or rats or bacterial cells. I want a medical education because I want to bring research to people. I want an industrial design education because I want to bring research to people.
All those papers are solutions looking for a problem. And men have problems that they don't know about, that they don't know how to fix. Maybe the answer to cloning lies in the Follicular Selection question I asked. Maybe because the cloned cells do not undergo the chemical messenging that all eggs go through, they are not really suitable for the host, or not DNA complete. How interesting if we could do this selection ourselves in the lab, so that we can implant the best embryos.
Met Ding Soon at the Anat Museum and played a game of Weiqi with him. He commented that in Weiqi things change really quickly. Well.. my answer was that things change, but by the time you notice them, it's already too late. You can only go for the next best alternative. Look for something else equivalent on the board or something lesser, and just go for it!
Talking about noticing things. How do you say you like someone when you've got the nagging suspicion the person knows already. How do secretive people survive a relationship with people who can read them like a book. And are probably smarter than them to boot.
I'm looking at you. Don't read my thoughts. Please!
Just drinking my cup of coffee now.. Aik Cheong saving the day again. It's the only instant coffee brand I dare to drink. Something about Nescafe just unsettles my stomach. Looking at the sea of Anatomy and Physiology on my desk, watching the people outside my window happily planning to go for hall bashes, working on their DOTA skills, chatting over the phone.
Listening to the voice of a friend over the phone always feels so good. Even though I'm surrounded by friends in hall, there are friends, and there are FRIENDS. Nothing works better than to know that you're worth 15 mins of someone else's time, when they're studying, when they're about to sleep, when they're getting a call over the phone and they tell you to keep on talking, because that other guy doesn't matter more than you do.
I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror today. Looking at my expressionless face, wondering if it really does belong to me. How do you say it hmm? Now that I'm conscious that I have an audience. How do you say it.
I think I'm troubled by love.
Mock Gravity
Am I light enough to hang, in the air when my breath gets too heavy?
Caning
I never liked caning because somehow I found it very barbaric and last resortish. Thankfully, my tuition kids were never very naughty. I don't know if it's because of me or because I simply ignore the naughty ones.
Really, violence is the last refuge of the incompetent (Isaac Asimov). But the assumption behind that quote is that the person you are dealing with is reasonable. How do you teach children who may not have a full grasp of action and consequence, and hence may not understand what you're reasoning to him about except through pain?
I just witnessed a caning today, thankfully it wasn't my tuition kid, but it was a pretty serious error, resulting in an injury to an elderly grandmother. So the mum and the kid bargained over how many strokes the error was worth, over lots of tears and threats.
"Well I'll give you three strokes now if you stretch out your hand, or ten if you don't listen."
"Mummmyyy! I don't want..."
"Okay I'll give you two. Stretch out your hand noww!"
"Mummyyy! I don't want..."
"Okay I'll give you one. Daddy will come back and give you another one."
And so on.
Why do all kids have to go through a phase of beatings, cryings and facing the walls. Why are certain errors punished physically if the kid is reasonable? How can we make a child understand his mistake? (which is the reason for punishment.)
Friendship works for me, as a tuition teacher. Friendship is this intangible token i use, to get the kid to do what I want him to do. It's something I can withdraw, something I can make sure he feels. There is nothing more desired than attention, in the mind of a young boy, and nothing more disastrous than a LACK of attention.
In order for this to work, you need to also teach the boy how to gain your attention back. Because he will do lots of things to get you to notice him, and some of them may be even greater mistakes or annoyances. I try to recognize the intent and tell him, what the right behaviour to get my attention should be.
I wonder though, what would humanity be like if there weren't any corrective actions. That if we were just free men, and were not beaten into submission or threatened into conforming. What kind of lives would we lead? A life not built on fear and retribution, on hells and demons. A life built on what is recognized as good, and encouragement to do good, instead of discouragement of bad practices. I don't know how we're going to go about it, because everyone has different impetuses to improve. But if you could find that key and turn it, the world may be a better place.
I don't know.. I think my life is built on others encouragements. As a person, perhaps I do feel more comfortable with that subtle (and not so subtle) manipulation of my behaviour by others in their praise. But discouragement also works for lots of people out there, scoldings, rants, anger taken on objects and people.
Songs
Claire's Blog and SonglistJust listening to her voice in hall carry me and sooth me to sleep... This sort of songs I like. Never thought I'd hear them again, sung through the voice of my friend independently.
I don't know how many people've ever heard Kate Bush before... But her songs are in pretty much the same style. Same talented people, same unorthodox music. It's this dramatic music. Music that tells a story, through poetry, through emotion, through the exactly right selection of chords, intensity, tempo...
My fave selections from her recordings:
1) Mock Gravity ( I can't believe how good this is)
2) Wonderwall 17yr old version (first thing that i heard and liked)
3) Magic Hour ( I love the chorus, not the rest of it though)
4) OMG the ROCK MELON SONG!
It's strange how music can lift the soul. How music can touch someone across space and time. How it can make me sad, and make me smile, smell the rain of the MOELC, taste the empty places where people once stood.
I have a bunch of favourite songs, and they're all different. My favourite songs are like people. You walk past them, and something just draws you to them, something just tells you this song is important. Remember it. And then people get linked to songs, events get linked to songs. Eras get linked to songs.
Songs in my life, and people associated with them
1) Wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton; Joy
2) Peng You - Zhang Xue You; Gangwei
3) If - Bread; Cuifen
4) Savage Garden CD; Laura
5) Cage - Dir En Grey; Li Ling
6) Xiao Wang Shu - Faye wong; Justina Li, Eldwin Ng
7) I want you - Savage Garden; Astee
8) Fen Shou Kuai Le - Liang Jing Ru; Geraldine, Angela
9) Bring me to life - Evanescence; Sea sports people
10)Norah Jones CD + lots of salsa tunes; Porshee
11)Mononoke Hime; Christie
Of course, there are so many other pieces that just bring a tear to my eye when I hear them, but they're linked to groups... Band Pieces like the Seventh Night of July, and Brazil, and Omens of Love. RGS pieces like I will survive and Those were the days. Kate Bush, and her song Wuthering Heights, and Houdini which drove me to read the book and the personality.
So many songs!
Philosophy of love
I was just talking to Angela last night about my last blog entry, how sometimes what you consider winning is simply what you wish to have. Some people may want to win 100% of the time, whereas others just want to have fun 50% of the time, and win the other 50% of the time.
And then.. we said, at roughly the same time, people who don't know what they want like us, will lose all the time.
Christine and I talked about making more friends in med, even though our weekends are usually packed with other things.. it's hard to make friends when you simply don't spend enough time together. And she advised me to make more friends in med.
I'd love to make more friends in med seriously. I just met another bunch of guys in canoe polo, and i think sports people are really interesting. Benjamin taught me how to do the front crawl properly today, and we just had a blast playing polo.
I thought that front crawl, was very similar to the move that Barry tried to teach us at salsa last night. Very interesting how things come together in my life.
Mag was her funny self in polo. Hon lyn's just cool, i think i pushed her around wayy too many times. Rouan was funny getting into the kayak but her shooting is pretty amazing i thought. Haha mike's first or second time in a kayak i think.. quite funny to see him move around. His passing is damn good tho.. basketballer skills. Joachim chionging around again, Yansheng's unstoppable momentum. Ningyan's effective pushing... sprinting... passing... dribbling... Ben's huge passes to ningyan and being everywhere. All the other nice people that I didn't really look out for like gideon, calven, donald, kevin, simian. And alvin and zongxian and kelvin who helped make the whole training such fun! Really learnt alot from zongxian's tactical briefing, and I think our play improved quite a bit after that.
I think med is full of nice people and I hope I'll make good friends here. Good friends are made with time. Spend more time with them and get to know them better I guess.
Was just reading Ee Sang's blog, after realizing with shock that Hon Lyn linked me on her blog. Shocked in a .. I'm not exactly sure way... cos I think it's a pretty new addition, and I gotta go update the links on my blog too. Read about the changes in Sang's life.. thinking back to those days in Sea Sports Club, when Ee sang always went the extra mile to make everyone in the group feel comfortable and well fed, trained the hardest, went for almost every canoe polo activity together with Cheryl, and now she's quitting polo. Just read that the NUS female team is 1st in Singapore, on their board.
It's a decision of winning and having fun, sometimes they're equal, sometimes, when they're not, you've got to balance between winning, and how much fun you're actually having from the activity. I think we had a lot of fun playing in the past. Photographs of the memories, of learning something new, and then wanting to be the best at it. Our late night trashings, our first competition.
Surprised that Ee Sang's a friend of Hon's, just as I was surprised Sya's a friend of hon's too. I think I know more people than I think I do.
Sometimes we fall in love with something, and it means the world to us. I fell in love with band, fell in love with photography, fell in love with weiqi, fell in love with kayaking, fell in love with a person. Guess how many things out of all those I still do now. Guess what all those things now mean to me.
Sometimes I never really fall out of love. All that I fall in love with.. I think I'll love forever. It's just whether you want to give yourself the chance of falling in love with something else. I'm now wishing I could fall in love with something/someone/someplace. Maybe I'll enjoy skiing, maybe I'll enjoy medicine, maybe I'll enjoy the company of the people around me...
Love.. I dont' think I'll fall in love with a person just yet. I would love to have one, but I know and I will tell her that she is not my only love in life. And that's why I can't just love anyone. I have to make sure there's someone else in her heart, so that I will not be her everything. So that love... is shared amongst everything in my life.
I know some people will give their all in love. If you're willing to give your all for a person, what did you love before that? And why could you give up that love so easily for something else? Will you give me up too just as easily?
Valentine's Day
This year's valentine's day seemed a little weird, like a little spirit was lacking or something, someone, somewhere. Pieces were just all jumbled up in my mind, people, places, timelines as I walked around the places we all frequented.
Alone, together, alone again. As I walk down the corridors, I felt the world change, certain memories, certain groups of friends, certain friends. In certain shops, looking for certain things. Unconsciously, as I ambled aimlessly among the corridors of Takashimaya, I walked through the places in my memory.
As I was peeing, the whole thing that I've put in the back of my head, floated into my consciousness for a brief second. I wished I could have blogged then. I went looking for pen and paper at Kinokuniya. I decided not to buy a notebook.
When did I last write with a notebook on pen and paper? When was the last time my diary was actually written on a physical medium? When did I stop writing and start typing? Into a medium I cannot touch, smell, taste or feel. An invisible form, visible only to my eyes through a medium. A computer, guardian of my mind.
When did truth and lies blur in my head? When did I take the path I'm taking? Who am I protecting? From whom? When did the reality that was so cut and dried morph into a meaningless tumble that I can't seem to unravel.
I really need to talk, because I've cut all the threads that tie me to reality. When you accept that you don't know anything at all, when you accept that most people don't know anything at all. Sometimes all you need is a moment of conviction with someone, someone who believes the world works the way it should work. A harbour, an oasis, on the lonely path to truth. Or what I hope is truth.
I don't know who I am anymore. If I ever knew who i was in the first place. It's like Infernal Affairs. When you play a character for years and years, how do you go back to who you were? How do you know that you've not become your character by force of habit. How do you know you were you before, and not the you your character thinks you were.
I'm stuck. I went to Kino today to look for something to spend my voucher on. I went to the Weiqi section, to look for books and the price of weiqi boards. I went to the art section to look for dance and nude and fashion photography. I went to the product design place to look for books on design. I went to the chinese art section to look for chinese paintings on women and weiqi. I went to the Medical books section and picked up Gray's Anatomy. I went to the english lit section to look for good reads. I went to the chinese lit section to finally pick up my book.
I went all around Kino, but I couldn't find me. A few million books, and I didn't know which one I'm in.
In the recesses of my mind, as the wind blew through my hair, the thing just started over and over again. The thing that i've just described to you. The recurring fear of forgetting who I am, the constant fear of losing myself as the autopilot of daily life kicks in. The autopilot of class, work, dance, socialize, class, work, dance.
I hate being alone. I hate not having something on my schedule. It really messes with my mind.
Everything I know, I learnt from Magic: The Gathering. You know, in the past, when I was resource strapped, and everyone else had better cards or spent more than me on the game, the only path to victory was to break the rules.
You look for the assumptions in the enemy's thinking, the rules that they were counting on, and you broke them to win. I took away their land (resources), I took away their threats (direct damage, armageddon/wrath of god), I took away their options (cards in hand). I would win for a while, but in the end, I always lost, because people knew that I would be targetting that part of their plan, and those who challenged me, invariably, were those who took into consideration the "weakness" I was targetting.
Eventually, the more I won, the less fun I got out of the game.
The thing is, I noticed myself moderating myself in order to put fun back into the game. Instead of playing something that would win 80% of the time against most opponents, I designed something that would win maybe 50% or 60% percent of the time. I would choose suboptimal configurations, funky cards, as a sort of handicap.
Now which is right? Should I try my best, or should I look for balance?
I think people live by pretty much the same principles in life. Some people go all out to win, but when they win, they forget what the purpose of winning was. Some people go all out to win 50% of the time, but are they really testing themselves?
I don't know now... how I'm supposed to play, what I'm supposed to do. Am I mediocre because I am, or because I planned to be? If I won, did I win because I had an unfair advantage, or because I was lucky. If I lost, did I lose because I didn't want to win?
Somehow, winning and losing lost it's importance along the way. Somehow, along with it, I lost my motivations. Somehow, winning and losing is like truth and lies. Somehow, truth and lies don't seem to matter anymore.
If you can never be sure what you're telling is the truth, how can you be sure you're not lying. I don't want to lie to people who believe that I'll speak the truth. How can I be sure I won't like in order to get what I want? If I got what I want, will the person whom I did or did not lie to, be upset if it turns out I lied?
Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
A love letter to my girlfriend.
Dear Girlfriend (whoever you may be),
I'm writing this to you because I just had a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine over MSN. I said, in a moment of epiphany, that her and her boyfriend were seperated by space (since they are many continents away), while my you and I are seperated by time.
How envious am I! In today's world, there are so many inventions to bridge space, so many tools they can use to keep their relationship alive, whereas you and I are neglected, by the very same innovators and inventors. If only I could place an order now for a tool that bridges time, and get you to collect it in your future. If only you could read this in the future and call my present, and tell me who you are so that I can meet you now! I know it's not possible, because if it were, we'd have met, and I wouldn't be writing this now.
I cannot know who you are (as we haven't yet met, or recognized our love for each other), and the only way we can communicate our private thoughts, are through public letters. There certainly must be a better way!
It has been a long time hasn't it, negatively speaking, since we first met? Those flirting glances, that sweet smile, those tingles in the heart as we danced our way to love. From the time we've met till now, so many wonderful moments have passed, so many instances when my heart skipped a beat, when my mind ceased to function, and the feral part of my soul raged and whined and whimpered. Love is visceral isn't it? Do you feel the same? Did you, or will you feel the same?
I guess it must be similar, for I will have chosen no other. You and me, we were destined from the very beginning to fall in love. The hands of fate will bring us together, just as the hands of time are keeping us apart. But I am striving now, against those immortal hands that have denied countless other couples in history. I am striving now, to make my love known to you, to reach you across all space and time. I am shouting across the void, to you. And I hope, at this moment in your life, you felt something in your heart. You may not know it now, not even when we first meet, or if we already met. But one day, I will bring you back to this time. I will bring you back to this moment, and show you when it all started, and tell you that I love you, just as I loved you so long ago.
Have we met before? In the recesses of the celluloid films in my cupboard, the prints in my albums, the digital bits of my photographs, did you lurk there? Just waiting, a silent reminder of how our paths crossed, not once, but time and time again. I just looked through the photog archives I maintain in my computer, and so many people in my photos which I took for RJ now have a name in my mind. Are you there? I ask as I look through them. Were you there? You must be asking as you look through yours.
It's strange how I already know you. Somehow in my heart, I'm already warmed by the certain knowledge that I'll meet you someday. Someone who is much wiser than me, someone who knows me better than I know myself, who can read me at a glance, who shares with me the silent language that only couples have. That wordless art that comes with time together, or great affinity and understanding. You know what I want when I'm too shy to say it. You know whether I like or dislike something when I think it, and the difference between what I say and how I say it. I know your tiny quirks, I can read your gazes. I will try to feel the depths of your emotions, even though I am cursed with the shallowest of pools. I will be there with you, when the world is too much to bear. I will be there with you, when the world has become boring, and your keen eye has seen the future filled with dispair. When you need me, I will be there. I will dance with you, lead you, flirt with you, hold you and make you feel like the star on the dance floor.
My darling, I love you. Now and Forever. Through all time and space that seperates us.
Yours truly,
Your Future Boyfriend
Kenneth.
Floorball!
Floorball was damn fun today! Lots of waiting time in between to catch your breath, got a nice stick that made all the difference in my game, saved lots of balls defending, and scored one goal and assisted a few more! Hai, I think my skills in floorball are only limited to defence. But my fave part of the game is actually taking the ball from someone skilfully.
Anyway I played my best at the end I think, when the courts were bigger, when there was much more 1:1 fighting, and when I got sufficiently tired, adding in the chin ups between rounds. Somehow... when you get really weak, that's when u stop wasting strength and focus on applying your strengths wherever you need it most.
That's also a skill.
Also, it's easier to play when you keep your anxiety levels down and heart rate low.
Dammit, miss the times we played in RJ, when me and asrie just owned attacking, like we had this mental link. Miss wilson's running of the entire court. Miss the one handed and two handed stick techniques that I seem to have forgotten. Miss shooting decently.
Ahhhh I miss RJ!
