Yourself?

Satan has his devils too.

Halfway on today's cycling trip, my thoughts turned to a man I met the day before. He was reading a book on Catholicism, and I came to talk to him, to find out a little more on what he was in for. He was in a bad state. The doctors suspected nasopharyngeal carcinoma, yet they couldn't find anything so far. Still, there was an extremely high chance he had nasopharyngeal carcinoma. The markers and everything was elevated.

Anyway he seemed at peace with his disease. I was very curious to find out what his perspective on death was, since he was a very staunch Christian. He talked about death and sin, and how sickness is the result of sin. Children were born disobedient, and hence sinful. Jesus cleanses sin and defeated death, but you have to die first, before you can be reborn with eternal life.

And eternal life comes only after the Rapture, which he described very beautifully, much in depth. All the dates and times and the first coming and second coming of Christ. How the Christians will be ultimately victorious, and the non-believers be judged. I can't remember the details exactly, but he looked very eager to experience that future he believed in.

I asked him, "You are now sick, and dying. And you believe that is because of sin. How do you reconcile that with Jesus cleansing you of sin?"

I asked him, "When judgement comes, will you bear to see your non-believing friends cast into the hell that was made for Satan?"

He replied, "They chose not to believe. They chose to follow Satan."

At that point in time, I intensely disliked the man for his selfishness. But then I said to him, "I am not facing what you are facing. I am still young. Maybe, one day I might understand this."

Outwardly, it was a very peaceful conversation. But inside, I felt affronted. How can a mainstream religion still propagate such thought and still be accepted by this kind old gentleman?

When I was cycling today, the parallels to Nazism and this old man's Christianity just kept coming back to my consciousness. What is the difference between the two? They are both concerned about racial purity, both misguided, and both dangerous. And the truth is, even if he did not like non-Christians enough to reserve hell for them, I liked him as a fellow human being. I'm sure I would have cared for him, if he was my patient. Would he do the same for me?

I love him, even though he may not love me. He may not like non-Christians, but he is suffering and still a patient.

When I decided on Medical school, this is why I decided to join the profession. I wanted to help people, regardless of what they believed, or what others believed. Patients should receive full care, in accordance to what they believed. They should not receive care based on what others believe, myself included. I can guide, but only for their benefit, from their perspective.

I thought about the right reaction to him, to his view that many of us are confronted with every day. Views of bigotry, views of discrimination, views that mean us no good. I thought about confronting his belief with my belief. Confronting his faith, with my truth. There was no solution there.

Faith and belief can only last a lifetime. Faith and belief is as transient as the wind. Only truth lasts forever.

We don't have to debate on beliefs, or faiths. We don't have to debate on what is right, or what is wrong. All these are perceptions that will change with time. They are of the transient nature of things. All artifice are doomed to end. Only truth lasts.

I don't need a book to tell me what my reality is. I don't have to believe in anything. Reality is. Truth is. They are both part of the constant nature of things. If I look for truth, and find it, I'll have found it forever.

That's why I don't believe.

posted by Downhere. @ 8:42 pm 1 comments

Music

I've still been keeping up with my instruments. Over time, it seems my guitar sings more sweetly. When I play it now, it always brings such pleasure to me. Whereas before, it seemed to be the impediment between me and music.

I've been learning violin as well. It's a terribly difficult instrument. Up till now, I still can't seem to get the HOLD of the instrument right. There are so many demands put on the triumvirate of violin, chinrest, shoulder rest. And to get a really good sound going, the violin has to be as stable as a rock, and yet not cause undue tension on my head, shoulders, arms and neck. It's definitely very difficult to get right.

But when I play violin, I feel like the sound. Everything I do changes the voice perceptibly. Everything in my being comes forward. When I listen to myself play, it's like the confrontation of who I am, what I feel about this piece, who I am.

Whereas when I play guitar, I notice how good my guitar sounds, but I am not involved in the music as a participant, but more as a composer, or audience.

Like everything in life, perception is the key. If one does not perceive, then the object might as well not be there. If for example, there is a cat, and you don't notice it, then the cat might as well not be there. But if there is no cat, and you see it. Someone else might think/notice that too. And you can appreciate that likeness of a cat, even though it is not really there.

posted by Downhere. @ 9:21 am 0 comments

Medicine Posting

Well I've got a bit of the flu, and my days are filled with that of other people, so I thought I would take some time this morning to just reflect on what I've been up to so far.

I've been working really hard. I don't think I've ever worked harder at anything else in my life. The closest thing that I've ever done that was so difficult was probably programming in the lab. But that's really a distant second to what medicine is.

But I'm glad I learned programming in my youth. I chose programming over music, and what I gained from it is the maturity and professionalism that comes from responsibility. When you create, you have a goal in mind, a final state, and you make a plan to get there. And the routes you choose to take to get there is governed by how much of the world you know. The knowledge of which paths exist, and the wisdom of determining which choices lead you closer to where you want to go, which ones are the pointless detours, and which ones bring you away.

I was talking to Prof Lee, wondering why medicine attracts the best and the brightest, when all we do is formulaic, evidence based medicine. And the thought he left me with, is that patient care directly relies on the wisdom of the medical practitioner. Good medicine can only be practiced by a doctor that will keep learning for the rest of his life, because the field is so wide, and each field has something to contribute to the management of our patients. There is no point undertaking an endeavour that is easily mastered. One needs to find something new to learn even until our 70s or 80s.

And I take comfort in that. A while back, I was contemplating what I wanted to learn in my medicine posting. What do I want to understand in this point in my life? Of course, books contain all the knowledge in the world. But the wisdom from my tutors are the things that will hold true for the rest of my career. While the knowledge in the books are like the shifting sands. It's good to have as much knowledge as possible. But without wisdom, one cannot apply the theory to practice.

posted by Downhere. @ 8:55 am 0 comments