Yourself?

Decision.

Whoa... The canoe polo competition just ended. It was really fun rowing for once, even though I can no longer shoot. But just turning and weaving amongst the guys, going over boats and doing a handroll just reminded me of my days in RJ. Somehow, in some ways, it's not much different from Med. The atmosphere doesn't really change year after year. Somehow the people are the same.

Nice opponents made my day though. Some were really encouraging, sportmanlike conduct. Some shook my hand after the game, or said "Good handroll", and looked genuinely concerned for my wellbeing. Spoke to the MCs after the match and thanked them for being entertaining. Cosy and Liling. Must try to remember their names. We live on this world only once, and the people we meet are so few. Why not try to make everyone's day a good one?

Geri, sometimes I feel that being too open is not the most effective way. I think sometimes, being a little blur and listening out for clues may be more effective in solving communication problems. I just solved a problem I had in a very nice, roundabout way, and I'm convinced by the truth of the answer. So that's that for me. Remember how I usually win in Weiqi games. It's not that you played badly. It's just that you played your best, and that makes you very predictable when I need you to make a big mistake.

Haha.. Even my friends know I love Weiqi more than women.

Still, what I learnt from the spirit of the canoe polo IVP players is that, winning isn't everything. Somehow, holding back can make the game more fun for everyone, and what's most important is having a good time. Maybe NS changed me, but I'm now more used to providing services to people. I want to make sure people have a good time interacting with my helpdesk, even if their computer broke down, and they're stressed and cranky, and they've got to print something by 5pm and it's already 4pm. Sometimes it's just being concerned about their problems, sometimes it's a little hard work behind the scenes (and breaking a few rules to make it happen), but it makes a difference the next time they call you for help again.

Anyway I just felt very touched this weekend by my family who helped me survive it again. They're really amazing, loaning me the car so I can fly around Singapore like Superman, making sure I'm awake at the right times, and feeding me. Because of the Canoe Polo competition, I had like.. 2 hrs between canoepolo and dance prac, on both Saturday and Sunday, and they made sure I got a bath, homecooked food, and a short nap within that time... 9am to 9pm days! I can survive this!

But really, when I look around, there's such a wonderful body of people supporting me whatever I do. And that's the people who really matter. The ones who make superhuman efforts possible. The ones who just lift me up and allow me to push and pull through.

Even though I know I'm not, I'll try and be a superhuman so that I can help them next time, when they really really need me...

Time's just flying by in my family, it's been another week again. They're the most important people to me. I'm just so thankful for my little piece of heaven at home. Hopefully all my friends having problems with their families can resolve them soon. Life's too short to be angry at people you have such limited time with. Life's just too short.

I think the thing that most affected me so far is Justina's death. After her suicide, I just thought through everything I thought I knew about life. The period which I knew her was like a microcosm of my own life. I actually wondered for a while whether suicide is necessarily bad. Isn't it better to just end it while you were still happy and on top of your game? I wonder what she went through in her mind during her last moments.

Perhaps, by deciding to live, we are all in our own ways seeking death. Life is but a way to achieve the perfect death. I'm just seeking to dance at the edge of Death's sword. In my mind, I know I'm almost dead. And that keeps me on my toes. Death is a marvellous motivator to live.

posted by Downhere. @ 6:28 pm