Yourself?

Almost there

My violin sounded beautiful today. I think I hit the right bow hair tension. It's got this smooth as silk sound that i really like, like one of those violins on CDs. A smooth beautiful sound. Too bad my E string is a bit too overpowered. But otherwise I really like my bow and violin. Chinrest, I'm still looking for the perfect height. It just needs to be like 1 cm taller.

I like clarity in my life. I want to be honest with people. I think honesty is one of the easiest ways to maintain your own happiness. So much of the time, we're so worried about what people think of us, that we forget what matters most is what we think about ourselves. And if we make ourselves out to be what we're not, the only person we're lying to, is ourselves. And the person that will be unhappiest is ourself.

In a day, countless people walk in and out of my life. To them, what I am is but a fleeting moment, in a day that spans 24 hrs, in a life that spans 80 years. Why should I care what they think of me, when I have to live with myself for the next 60 years?

It's not easy to be honest. One of my worst fears is to let someone into my private world. I hate it when I perform something that means something to me, for an audience that is at best.. ambivalent. That's art. To expose who you are, without restraint, without any sense of self-shame. Because in the end, it's not the audience that remembers your particular piece of art, or that particular moment in your concert. But it is you, that lives with the lie, if you did not put in your best at the performance, if you did not open yourself up. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you might meet someone who understands what you're trying to say, and you might share that one emotional moment together.

Art is like screaming into the dark, and hoping to hear an echo. So that you know you're not alone.

I really respect artists. That's why I give them my full attention, and my full emotion.

posted by Downhere. @ 10:43 pm