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Friday, July 10, 2009

Views on Life

Today I saw Dr Chong and Dr Tan operating in the OT today, and learnt quite a bit about the procedures that they do. I won't put their full names down because then Google will find it and put it up. I think what they do is really interesting because Dr Chong works on small parts with small tools and repairs the problems with healing. It's quite strenuous, as it demands a great amount of precision and strength at the same time.

Dr Tan's work is interesting, quite a bit of basic science involved. He was sharing about himself and how long it took him to reach his position. There were quite a number of pitfalls along the way, people from his medical school batch who changed their perspectives on life.

From talking to them I'm starting to see what's in my future, and I'm just writing a note here to remind myself when the time comes of what I believed in when I was much younger. Framing my life to make more sense of it.

I think a lot of people assume I am Christian/Catholic, and I've always been trying to understand why. Why do I give that impression? I think it's a compliment of sorts because it shows their acceptance of me, but to me it is a little distressing as well as I don't see why I look/sound like a believer. Ultimately I hold these people in high regard because of their principled lives. I just don't share the same high regard for the principles that they live by.

There are many reasons to that. I think the most important reason is that I don't believe in the label of being Christian/Catholic/ACS boy or whatever. Lots of people get a label and try to live up to that. Some people get a label and use it because it's useful. And some people (like me) just don't want to be labelled, even if we may think exactly the same things or live by the same principles. When you have a label, there's always that temptation to just live up to it. But when you don't have a label, or believe in any labels at all, then that artificial boundary is taken down and one can go beyond.

He also mentioned the weeds in the earth, and the seat of heaven in the sky. To me, that violates two principles. One, the arbitrary definition of earth being sinful and heaven being sin free. This is such an illogical definition that I cannot find it in myself to refute it. Two, the concept that a sinful life is not worth living, and that we should live(aspire for) sin free lives (in a place that is sinful) in order to reach a sin free state.

The whole Christian/Catholic belief system is a system that has arbitrary beginnings, extends the theology based on logical principles, and comes up with a meaningless conclusion and a dangerous message. That life on earth is ultimately a place to score points for a seat in heaven. And scoring points means sticking to a set of rules as closely as you can.

And that's exactly why this whole picture troubles me. I know I'm not the kind of person that even believes in rules, although I follow most of them, most of the time. I'm not a blind follower of rules and regulations. I just respect the dialogue and hierachy that has built up over time among people who first established these rules, before writing them down. It's respect for history more than anything else.

There's a secret to breaking rules. The secret of breaking rules is breaking them only when it is absolutely necessary, and ideally without anyone knowing they've been broken. We shouldn't break them during unimportant occasions, for uninteresting reasons.

I live in a world that is filled with a million rules. To accept them is to live without seeing the invisible fences that keep us moving along like sheep. To reject them outright is like blocking the path filled with oncomming sheep. To hate them, but follow them is like bumping against the fences while moving on. You know they're there, and when the time is right you can make your escape.

Ultimately, we live only once, and it's important that we know where we want to go. He says that the unconscious decisions are the decisions made when God is not with you. But I believe the opposite. The unconscious decisions are the decisions that you truly want. The conscious decisions are the decisions made when you are trying to live up to an ideal that you are not yet capable of. They are those decisions made when you are trying to be a hero.

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