Yourself?

Dreams and Memories

Hmm,
Thinking back about memories in RJ, about the experiences I had after reading some J1 blogs. Strange silly experiences.

Anyway, blogging again in a very long time. Something strange happened to me last night. Dreamt of having tea with Justina, saw her suddenly on the road when I was on my way to a meeting in the morning. Ended up having this really involved talk with her (can't remember her voice at all), just updating each other on our lives, and enjoying a cup of Oolong tea, just relaxing and talking. And then she had to go for some Vampire's meeting every thursday once a week, and telling me that it's something that she must go for, else she will feel the inescapable urge to go, and not be able to do anything in the meantime.

Then I watched her bite my finger, as blood oozed out. Thinking hmm.

Then I went to the busstop and met porshee there. Except it wasn't porshee, he had his bag, but had long and slightly brown hair. Quite silly really.

What does it mean, I leave it as an exercise to the reader.

I'm doing knowledge management in my NS job, and looking at all the pieces of information there is in MINDEF. Quite hard, especially when I'm a person that doesn't file my notes regularly. Went back to read notes that I had in Sec 2, just to get back that feel of literature. I'm missing out on something, and I know what it is. But it seems irrelevant. It's emotion. And it's missing. Saw this strange matrix screensaver running on the PC next to me now, and it goes "To deny our impulses would deny the very thing that makes us human."

Am I human now?

I find this very disturbing. There are so many friends I'd like to keep, but by doing the things I need to survive, there are so many friends I've lost touch with. By chasing my dreams, I'm leaving people behind. But I need money. I need tools. I need the very thing that gives me my dream. To do great work, to be published. To not need to work early, so I can spend more time with friends.

Strawberry or the shortcake?
I seem to be choosing the shortcake.

posted by Downhere. @ 1:31 pm