Ah. Been having terrible catchy fever. 2 members of my family have already got it. I wonder how many more in Tekong Madhouse will get it. Apparently the MC list already spans 10+ out of 50 possible names. Whooo hooo to viruses and bacteria. I'm on a 3 day MC so you'll see me often. (after having a 4 day MC filled with terribly high temperatures and general weakness)
In my delirium, I saw the response to Joanna's post, which was in turn a response to cuifen's reply (which I haven't read, silly me.)
I went blind, due to fever, and in those years there weren't any cures. I had a beautiful wife, who looked after my every need, and actually married me after my illness struck, because she was a supporter of the work I did, and she wanted me to keep on working.
One day, I received a call, telling me that i could regain my sight if I went for a cornea transplant.
Like a pebble falling into a calm surface, the repercussions of treatment were many.
1) The pleasure of finally seeing what your wife looks like
2) The pleasure of being able to work unaided.
3) Not being a burden to anybody.
4) Being able to pursue your dreams
5) Returning to your youth, or period of ability
6) The pleasure of vision itself and beauty.
And what I had to give up.
1) The status quo, the equilibrium of dependence.
2) The blind me. The me that has been my identity for years.
3) Reverting to the past, a past which is over, a past which I've lived foolishly.
4) The pleasures of not being able to see. The absolute darkness and peace.
5) My freedom in being dependent.
6) The world in which I am.
I decided to give the opportunity for the cornea transplant to someone else. Someone who wants to go back to the past, someone who is unsatisfied with his present. I am satisfied with my present. All my needs ever are fulfilled. I have someone to care for me, I have work to do, I am able to contribute to society. I am everything I believe a person should be, yet more. Though I am blind, my wife helps me see. Though I never step out of my house, my house is my world, and I am it's master. I am not proud, or deceitful, but humble, because I need other people for my daily living. And they need me, for I am working for society.
Perhaps not being Christian is a fault. Perhaps there is a God that wants us to follow His rules. Perhaps we should try and lead a life free of sin. Perhaps.
But I am content to be blind.
I am content to be where I am, because that is where I am.
This around me is MY world.
I don't live in the hope of reaching a divine plane free from evil and danger.
This is MY plane. This is where I make MY world free from evil and danger.
God is the force that I will respect. But he is a force.
Just as gravity pulls us down, just as light can't pass through a clouded cornea.
These are facts of life. Respect them, but by no means worship them.
For they cannot help but do their job. Worship or no, the Earth still draws me to it.
God has His jobs, his work to contribute to society.
Every day when I open my eyes, I see beauty because I choose to see it.
I am satisfied. Because I decide to be.
Sure I have things I want. But whether I have them or not, it doesn't change my contentedness one bit.
I can't respect a God that introduces fear into my life.
Nor uncertainty, nor doubt.
I can't respect a God that makes me pay a tithe,
For this is a God that drives me to poverty.
I can't respect a God that makes 10 commandments,
Which is a restriction to my freedom
And an insult to my common sense.
I can't respect a God that casts his son out from his own house,
And leaves him to die humiliated on a cross.
I can't respect a God that is all powerful, yet speaks to those suffering on Earth
And gives them dreams of places in Heaven.
I can't respect a God that is so weak, he cannot even ensure the integrity of his Own Voice.
Nor the integrity of His institutions.
I can't respect a God that gives men freedom,
only to tell them that there is only one right path.
I can't respect a God, that speaks truly to only a handful,
Telling them the importance of contentment, of fufillment,
While leaving the rest hankering over a place in heaven.
Or the Papacy.
Or a gazillion other Christian things.
posted by Downhere. @ 6:46 pm
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