The condo in which I'm staying in has this library of japanese comics on the ground floor and a semi-tuned piano. I really love the thing. Like a private study room that's about the size of my house, cos no one ever uses it, even though there's like millions of Japanese in this condo alone.
Going to Thailand really awakened lots of memories of a certain someone. When the plane first rumbled off the tarmac, the feeling in my bones just told me, reminded me of a certain trip we took not too long ago with a bunch of friends. It's funny how my memory works, how I never keep much in the active consciousnes of my day to day life, but just living draws up past experiences, wipes off the cobwebs in those corridors of the mind. Her, again.
Strawberry on the shortcake. Another piece of the puzzle that is my life.
If you've ever watched it, SOS asks a very pertinent question about this episode. What kind of person are you? If you had shortcake with a strawberry on top, and you really loved strawberries, would you have it first? Or leave it for later? If you had it, you'd might not feel like having the rest of the shortcake already. If you left it for later, someone else might have eaten it already.
I guess this time, I really left it for later.
How rare is it? That a person could be associated with so many things in our lives? When I see a handphone cover, when I use the internet in a foreign internet cafe, when I take a plane, when I buy really really bargain clothes. When I wake up in a place with a foreign ceiling, when I take a tour coach. When I sing, when I photograph. When I reflect on what was, what is, and what is going to be. When I take an exam, when I sit in the canteen, when I walk in school.
It's not love and I know it. It's just the feeling of someone who's like a sister in your life, an integral piece of the jigsaw that is life, and the realization that it is suddenly missing.
Kimi o koto wasurenaiyo.
I can never forget you.
On another note.
What is erotic photography. And why is it wrong or undesirable? I was just looking at some of that in the Japanese mangas, and it's all bikinis and clothes. When does a gaze, or an exposure, or a beckoning nod shift from friendliness to sexiness? And what's the difference between a beckoning nod of a fully clothed woman and a fully clothed man? If there is a taboo against reading FHM, shouldn't there be a taboo against reading Her World, Cleo or any photography of good looking men?
Perhaps what we're afraid of is getting closer. What we're afraid of is the sense of togetherness that deviates from our habit of loneliness. Loneliness is a habit. A feeling of isolation derived from your own inadequacy in dealing with togetherness. Living with someone is tiring because we're not used to it. Because we're so alone, togetherness will be so much scarier.
posted by Downhere. @ 6:33 pm
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