Yourself?

If an angel were to fall into your life tomorrow, would you notice her?

I guess part of the problem of living lies with the various influences people can be in your life. Some may teach you certain things, some may gradually and subtly corrupt you. Others lead by example, and others lead by being the unappetizing example. There are just so many myriad roles people around you could play, and so many subtle and marked ways they could influence and change you.

Back to Justina again. Somehow, I felt that she was the absolute most closest person I've got to know in the shortest amount of time. But then, it sort of fizzled out. Once you know a person so well, at least you think, there really isn't much more to think or say or do. I guess the only lesson I've learnt was that friends are like kueh lapis.. You've got to make an effort to peel off layer by layer by layer. Even though you know that it probably tastes pretty much the same all the way down, you've got to try anyway, otherwise that piece of kueh lapis would not be any different from all the kueh lapises you've eaten in the past, and definitely not as memorable.

I guess what she taught me, was that there is always more to a person. That you may think you know the person next to you, or even your closest bestest friend well. But characters are complex, and the model we have in our minds may not correspond to reality. That model is always changing, always evolving to reflect the experiences of the person as time passes. Look deep, and keep looking, otherwise that friendship will be like any other. Just a plain, meaningless mush of tidbits of information. Things you once thought you knew, but now doesn't hold true, or never held true anyway.

How then do we meet people, and treat people? We can't just dig deep into every person in our lives. How do we know we're digging into the right people anyway? And some people are really private persons. How can we get to know them and understand them on a deeper level, when perhaps, they're uncomfortable about being so exposed? Again, I must remind myself of the first law. Your experiences and reflections are not shared by the majority of people around you. Each person experiences life from a different perspective, and draws different conclusions to the same events.

The world is a complex place. To me, I see it as an equilibria of forces, of good, bad and neutrals. Some people take a guarded pose, others take a neutral pose, and others are more forthcoming and open. I've been through all three poses. The forthcoming one really hurts. But it's also the most memorable. When you open yourself up to people, people do the same to you, and all the right people are attracted to people like themselves. But then people start questioning your motives. The bad elements get stronger as you get more popular. The rumours get wilder, every sentence gets taken as fact, and made into fiction. Then people decide to mellow, decide to become more neutral, and life starts to get boring for them. And when things don't improve, certain people may fall into a negative state, and withdraw from society altogether, deciding that this can never be the world for them.

But life really isn't worth living if you have to continuously guard against people. Just because you do not want to be the target of bad people doesn't mean you have to join them. It's your life. Ultimately, in the end you are accountable to only yourself. Whether you throw your lot with the neutrals or the goods or the bads depends on your own decisions. And your choice, can tip the balance either way.

I believe being open to others, and being neutral for a while to take a breather is ultimately the most successful strategy. The negative people may stab you, may hurt you, may spread things about you. But you will have a group of friends with you, supporting you. And they'll be so close to you you'll forget about all the negative things. You'll even forget those people exist. And life will be that pure memorable experience.

If an angel were to fall into your life tomorrow, would you notice her?

posted by Downhere. @ 9:43 pm