Yourself?

A love letter, doomed never to be sent.

You know not what ailed me this year, those sleepless nights, the emptiness in my heart, the desire to fill it, those reasonless mood swings, that addiction to the computer. No, you know not. And I knew not too, the reason for all these troubles, all those feelings that I�ve never felt before. Not till I laid my eyes on those all too familiar purple letters, those familiar letters I�ve already forgot�

I hate you.

I hate you, for all the things you brought into my life that I�ve never had before. I hate you for all the wonderful memories, so that I could never see others the same way I saw you. I hate you, for being there, when I was neediest. I hate you, for teaching me love, but never teaching me lust. I hate you, for being the sunshine in my darkness. I hate you, because I could never be you, and I�ve always wanted to be like you. I hate you, for all your presents and cards, giving me hope against hope, that I actually meant something. I hate you, for making me forget you, for taking all those memories that I hold dear to my heart, and burying them in the sand, and forgetting them, and saying they don�t matter.

Haha� how could I ever forget you. How could you even think that I could forget you, or even deny your existence. How could you be so selfish? When you made me forget you, all I forgot was myself. All you did, was make me lost in a world I didn�t even understand anymore, like a bad dream, a bad nightmare, an endless dark.

Whenever I go out, to all the places we�ve gone to before, whenever I eat, or sleep, or type, or think, or write, or play, or run, or draw, or even talk and make friends, it all seems so pointless. How can all these little things replace everything that I�ve lost? How can I build an entire world, from grains of sand.

Maybe I was dreaming. If only dreams could last forever I should never wake again. For when I wake, all that I see and feel, is but the muted feelings of the walking dead.

I hate you. And I hate myself more, for not telling you I love you. You've stolen my heart. Can't you, Won't you take my soul?

posted by Downhere. @ 9:13 pm